Your Love is Killing Me
by abnormalhuman
Summary: Beca and Chloe become fast friends like predicted, and right from the start there is something more. But how can Beca fall for a girl after being raised by homophobic parents? Beca can't handle or come to terms with herself. Will Chloe be able to help her through it? Trigger Warnings: slight mention of self harm and homophobic assholes doing their asshole thing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey this is my first Bechloe Fanfiction. And it is also my first time writing a story in third person. So let's please all be nice here. Warning of Triggers: very slight and subtle mention of self harm.**

The first Bella's rehearsal is going to be hell. Beca can already tell upon Aubrey kicking out the second girl within the first five minutes of it beginning. Her theory keeps getting proven correct when they run stairs. Beca is tiny as a stick, but about as in shape to run up stairs as a 300 pound man. It gets even worse when she almost falls in heels. And then gets hugged from behind by Chloe who is trying to teach her dance moves, with the big smile and who invaded her shower, and perceptive Beca Mitchell can't get her read on her clearly yet.

"That's my dick," and Beca manages to place the icing on the cake for the beginning of a very long career in this Bella's group after a confrontation with Aubrey.

Beca finds herself in her dad's office within the next fifteen minutes. She pleads wildly to him to let her go to LA, even offering him 50% of her income when she hits it big. She gets denied and disappointed and finds herself slouching out of the English professor's office an hour later. She is a good distance into the crisp night air, when she hears a soft voice interrupt the quiet air.

"Beca!" She whips around to see the Bella's co-captain, Chloe, exiting the English building as well. "Wait up!"

She comes to a halt, for some reason, and stops for the smiling ginger. Chloe sidles up to Beca and manages to do some weird arm shimmy when their arms brush, which causes Beca to smirk at the beaming ginger.

"What were you doing in the English building?" She asks.

"You stopped me to ask me what I was doing in an educational vicinity at our university?" Beca quizzes sarcastically.

Chloe shoves her shoulder with a wide smile, "I was trying to make conversation with you. Be friendly with you."

Beca raises her eyebrows, sarcastically, at the pretty girl. "I've never heard that before…I don't seem to have a very _inviting _personality," she muses sarcastically.

"I refuse to believe that," Chloe smiles.

Beca smiles and blushes at her feet, like her awkward behavior ensues. Beca quickly realizes how she stopped being a hardass for a second, and slouches her posture and gives a stare into the icy eyes without expression.

Chloe smiles, "Plus I would know if you were actually using an _'educational vicinity at our university' _because I'm a TA for your English class, and the professor throws a fit that you have yet to show up to a class."

"Yeah, I'm like that with every class, she shouldn't take it to heart," Beca responds.

"You should start going, I could help you catch up on what you have missed," Chloe offers.

Beca smiles and finds herself actually considering the offer. It isn't like anyone has willingly gone out of their way for her before. It's a new feeling, a nice feeling. Beca shakes her head at herself and starts walking, and Chloe keeps up. "I may have to take you up on that. I was meeting with my dad, he's a professor here."

Chloe looks at Beca with a confused expression.

Beca bumps her shoulder, "You asked why I was in the English building."

"Oh!" Chloe smiles content with herself, "Wait, Beca Mitchell! Oh my goodness your dad is Professor Mitchell. Wow, how didn't I figure that out before?"

"He doesn't give off much of a dad vibe, considering he barely is one, it makes sense you wouldn't connect it." Beca muses.

Chloe takes in Beca's face and shakes her head, "You're a mysterious one. Now where are we going?"

"We? I was going to go back to my dorm and listen to music," Beca announces.

"Well I said we were gonna be fast friends, and here I am," Chloe announces.

Beca smiles, and she inwardly questions why she has smiled so much in the last few minutes. "Fine, mine or yours?"

"I live with Aubrey."

"So we will go to my dorm," Beca announces in an obvious tone.

"She's not that bad."

"You saw her pull me aside after practice," Beca points out.

"And I also heard you tell her about your 'dick,'" Chloe pauses and smirks, "but, I didn't see one in the shower."

Beca is thankful that it is dark out and it hides her blush. Chloe seems like an awfully forward human, Beca thinks. She's never met someone to disarm her like this, and it makes her stomach do a weird thing. Beca quickly blinks and quips back, "Maybe I was just hiding it well," wow, not her best comeback.

But Chloe is smiling like an idiot, and Beca can't help but smile too. And Beca hasn't felt this close to having a friend since the beginning of high school.

"Oh trust me, I looked. Very well," Chloe says and bites her lip.

Lip bite. Okay then. Beca looks forward and blinks any weird thoughts about this _girl _out of her mind. She sticks her hands in her pockets and ignores her clammy palms and the weird thoughts.

"Wow, I think I broke Beca Mitchell," Chloe muses.

Beca chuckles, and pushes forward her walls of sarcasm again, "No, I'm just not used to crude humor like that."

"Says the girl who says that she has a dick."

"Okay, I mean, your forwardness. It surprised me," Beca defends.

"Step up your game, Mitchell," Chloe bumps her shoulder with Beca's.

Beca holds the door to Baker Hall open for Chloe, and then follows her inside. She leads her to her room and unlocks the door. Thankfully to find no Kimmy Jin there. "My humble abode," Beca sarcastically presents.

"Freshman dorms are great! It's how I met Aubrey," Chloe smiles.

"Well I can guarantee you, I won't be besties with my roommate. She's a little odd," Beca announces.

"Well lucky for you, you will have me now," Chloe beams.

Beca awkwardly rings her hands, literally never having hung out with another person in years, "So what should we do?"

Chloe plops herself on Beca's bed and pats a spot next to her whilst motioning for Beca to sit down. Beca hesitantly sits, and drums a beat onto her knee and starts bouncing her other knee. She can't do this one-on-one social interaction thing. She feels panicky and her throat tightens a bit, as she feels forced to try and talk.

"What's wrong?" Chloe asks whilst putting a hand on Beca's bouncing leg to put it to a halt.

"My room is just a mess," Beca lies.

Chloe's eyes sift through the spotless room with suspicion, "You mean your one flannel on the floor, that's a mess? You should see my apartment, well my room specifically, Aubrey's room is spotless, as you would imagine."

"Do you want to order like sandwiches or something?" Beca asks whilst pulling out a black iPhone.

"Sure! I know just the place!" Chloe says excitedly and takes Beca's phone from her hands.

Chloe furrows her brows once she is met with the passcode on Beca's phone, and Beca can't help but chuckle from the adorableness. Wait, what? Beca shakes away the thoughts of her puppy-like companion. Beca tries to mask her surprise when Chloe grabs her wrist and holds Beca's thumb to the scanner on the phone button. Once satisfied, Chloe drops the freshman's hand and dials the phone number to a local sandwich shop. Beca gapes at the socially flawless girl, as Chloe interacts happily on the phone while ordering two BLT's.

Chloe hangs up the phone and hands it back to Beca with a smile, "They'll be delivering it in like twenty minutes."

Beca nods.

Chloe stares at Beca for a second, and then steals the phone back from Beca. Using the freshman only for her thumb to gain access. "What are you doing?" Beca asks.

"Adding my number in your phone, silly," Chloe says and hands her the phone back, "And there we go!"

"You're very forward, did you know that?" Beca says.

Chloe gives Beca her huge smile again, "I did barge into your shower, didn't I?"

"I'm going to have night terrors over that, you know?" Beca jokes.

Chloe bumps her shoulder, "Oh you loved it."

A comfortable silence passes, and eventually Beca breaks it, "So what should we do until the food gets here?"

"Tell me about yourself," Chloe says, like Beca is simply the most important thing on earth.

"Beca Mitchell. 18. Only child. Taurus, you seem like the girl who keeps up on horoscopes. Not to stereotype you or anything…" Beca rambles.

"No, Becs, I meant, tell me about _you_," Chloe muses with her chin resting in her palms.

Beca blatantly notices the nickname, which surprisingly doesn't bother her. She doesn't understand it, her and Chloe are just getting along so easily. Beca shrugs upon realizing Chloe is still looking at her awaiting an answer.

"There isn't much to tell. I was born in Texas," Beca begins.

"No accent?" Chloe asks.

"I spent the majority of my childhood in Michigan until my parents divorced and then I went back to Texas, so I never really got an accent," Beca explains.

"Oh, divorced? I'm sorry," Chloe says.

Beca shrinks to memories of her dad up and leaving Beca and her mother, and then her mom dragging her back to Texas. Beca's shoulders slouch. The brunette tries to edge it out of her mind. She feels a hand on her shoulder, and looks into the bluest eyes, probably, ever.

"Life stories can come with time in friendship. Let's do something else," Chloe sympathizes.

"Like what?" Beca asks, while looking down when feeling her phone vibrate.

_2 text message notifications_

**Jesse Swanson: I found this wondrous CD of Destiny's Child while I was stacking CD's without you… :( but anyways, I stashed it for ya so we can jam out next time we meet.**

Beca smiles at the dork trying to achieve her friendship by keeping notice of her immense love for Beyoncé. He is a nice boy after all, but it is easy to tell he flirts with her and hard to pretend to not notice it. She tries to ignore that fact.

**Doucheface Father: I just talked to your English professor, you aren't going to classes?! Do not be the uneducated disgrace that is your mother. Meet with me tomorrow at 10 am sharp so we can straighten this out!**

Beca flinches.

"What's wrong? Who texted you?" Chloe asks.

Beca blinks and shields her phone when Chloe tries to read over her shoulder. And switches her messages to her conversation with Jesse. "Nothing, just Jesse making fun of my Beyoncé obsession."

"Well it's Queen B," Chloe states obviously.

Beca smiles widely at Chloe. "Now I know you're a great person. Yeah, I was just texting back that's all."

"Is Jesse the boy from Hood Night?" Chloe inquires.

Beca nods. "He's an idiot."

"A cute idiot?" Chloe asks to inquire Beca's opinion of the boy.

Beca shakes her head vehemently, "That is strictly platonic."

"Hmm," Chloe hums while taking in Beca's expression.

"What?" Beca asks.

That's when there is a knock on the door. Chloe gets up and answers the door, Beca notices the redheads shoulders droop when the sandwich delivery boy is revealed. The brunette ponders at the familiar face, and realizes he's the shower guy. Beca looks up at Chloe when she sits down a few seconds later with a solemn expression.

"Was that Shower Guy?" Beca asks.

The redhead nods while looking down.

"From that expression…I guess you guys aren't showering together anymore," Beca drawls awkwardly. Damn she is terrible at this social thing. Especially comforting someone she barely knows, but feels like she's already great friends with.

"He cheated on me. So I broke up with him," Chloe whispers.

Beca feels the fire light up in her soul. How could someone cheat on a girl like Chloe? That's like kicking an innocent puppy! "He's a dumbass. Wow what a dick! How could he cheat on someone like you? You're like a perfect little human. He is scum. Don't get worked up over him. Don't waste your time on anyone who won't appreciate what your worth. And from knowing you for little time, I can tell you're worth a hell lot more than that."

Beca exhales at the ramble, and she can feel her cheeks are probably bright red. And she is suddenly really embarrassed about going all "mama bear" about Chloe. And she's about to apologize for the ramble when the awkward silence nearly suffocates her. But then Chloe is wrapping Beca in a tight hug.

"Thank you," the older woman pulls back from the hug and wipes a single tear away from her eye. "You're already a great friend."

"Let's eat," Beca announces.

Beca watches very amusedly as Chloe plows into her sandwich like she hasn't eaten in years. The freshman takes a few nibbles of the sandwich, and suddenly remembers her distaste for sandwiches. She doesn't realize how much time passes of her picking at her sandwich when Chloe lets out a loud belch after eating her food.

"You're a burper?" Beca asks bewildered and laughing.

Chloe nods, "Did you not like your sandwich?"

Beca shrugs, "I'm more of a pizza girl. I hate sandwiches."

The redhead bursts out in laughter, "Then why did you suggest getting sandwiches in the first place? Wow, you are a riddle, Beca Mitchell. A riddle I will solve."

Beca laughs, "Get in line behind me. Even I haven't solved it yet."

Chloe smiles and pulls out her own white iPhone with a pink case on it, she dials a number and puts the phone up to her ear. Beca listens closely as Chloe orders a large pizza. Beca finds herself smiling, feeling already so close with Chloe. It feels awesome to have a friend, Beca thinks.

"Why did you order me a pizza?" Beca laughs.

"So you don't starve!" Chloe exclaims, "Plus it's not all for you, I will eat some too!"

Beca finds herself cracking up at the older girl. The two make basic conversation until the pizza arrives, and the two destroy the whole large pizza. Upon them finishing the pizza, Chloe sits up suddenly, "Have you ever watched Grey's Anatomy?"

Beca shakes her head.

"Oh my goodness!" Chloe exclaims. And then continues to go on a bouncing rampage of taking Beca's laptop to log into her Netflix account and pull up the TV show. "This is simply the best show you will ever watch!"

The two power through four episodes, and Beca notices the time. "Hey, it's getting late."

Chloe looks at her phone, "Oh yeah, it's after midnight. I should get heading back to my apartment."

Beca finds her natural anxiety build up about Chloe walking campus so late, "Hey, it is late. You can just sleep here."

Chloe's eyes light up, even more than they already do. "A sleepover?"

"Yes, I think that's what I am insinuating."

The ginger smiles widely and bounces up and down on the mattress. Beca can't find it within herself to not smile back. "But we should get to bed, I have to meet my dad in the morning," Beca announces.

Chloe nods, and Beca gets up and grabs a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt, and tosses them to Chloe. And despite the hot weather, grabs a long sleeve and sweats for herself. Beca excuses herself to change in the bathroom, mainly so Chloe doesn't see the cuts Beca always tries to hide.

Upon returning to her dorm, she sees the senior cuddled in the twin bed, and motioning for Beca to join her. Beca climbs in and manages just to not touch.

"So what did you think of the show?" Chloe voices in the dark room.

"It was okay."

"Okay? Okay?! It is simply magnificent and exemplifies the importance and strength of friendship and love! That isn't 'okay' it is perfect!" Chloe exclaims.

Beca chuckles loudly, "Whatever you say."

"This is going to be our thing. We are going to eat, sleep, and breathe Grey's Anatomy until you love it," Chloe jokes.

The brunette giggles, "Until then, I'm going to get some actual sleep. Goodnight, Chlo."

"Goodnight, Becs. Who knew we would become such fast friends in one night? Imagine where we will be in a week!"

Beca falls asleep with a smile on her face. She sleeps the best she has in years. No nightmares for the first time in months. She just finds herself peaceful. Somehow throughout the night, Chloe wraps her arms around Beca, and the two sleep peacefully.

Until the door to Beca's dorm flies open at 11:00 am the next morning to a very angry Dr. Mitchell.

"Rebeca Marie Mitchell!"

**A/N: So yeah, boring. But I'm just setting the stage for this story here and honestly what's even happening I don't know. And ew, why did I pick Texas as Beca's childhood state, we will find out. :( Please review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The only warning I have for you is Beca's asshole father. Happy reading.**

Beca flops out of bed at the screeching of her name. The groggy brunette stares up at her furious dad through blurry eyes, and then back up to the pouting and tired redhead sitting up in her bed. The freshman tries to rack her brain and think of why her father is so angry. That's when her brain clicks, she must've overslept and didn't go to their 10:00 am meeting.

"So this is why you missed our meeting this morning? Because you were in bed with a _girl_?" He spits out the word girl like it is venom.

Ah, so it's the homophobic aspect of her father that is mad. Beca finds herself starting to freak out from what she has been preached and screamed to as a child in a conservative state. She finds herself scared and defensive, "Dad, it isn't that at all."

"You were cuddling with a girl! What have I told you, Beca? Never do that! It is wrong and terrible, do you want to go to hell?" **(A/N: FYI I DON'T AGREE WITH THIS ASSHOLE)**

"Jesus, friends do that cuddling thing now. It is nothing more than that!" Beca yells, because she feels so attacked.

He nods, satisfied. "Okay, you better mean that. Meet with me at the Barden Café in an hour." His eyes trace to Chloe, "Make sure your friend doesn't come."

The door slams, and Beca slumps on the floor. She feels misty, because of the verbal attack. She isn't even gay, she's been trained not to be. It just hurts to have such an unaccepting family. And the weak spot to her is her dad, he has always been a verbally abusive man, and him leaving her so young makes her a mess. She suddenly feels arms wrapped around her.

"I'm so sorry," Chloe whispers into the freshman's hair.

"We were just sleeping," Beca mumbles to herself.

"I know, I know, Becs. Don't let his words get to you, he's wrong." Chloe voices.

"I've been trained to believe otherwise," Beca sighs. "It's not like it even matters, we barely just became friends and his homophobic mind jumps the gun."

Chloe gives Beca an unreadable smile, "Yeah, it was nothing at all, so don't let his words bother you."

Beca ponders the words and feels weird, she sighs and manages to stand up. She looks awkwardly at Chloe, "I'm sorry for that conundrum. But I need to go get ready to go to lunch with him. I'll see you at practice later?"

Chloe smiles, and wraps Beca in a hug. A hug that Beca totally doesn't just sink right into. The ginger gives a large smile and exits the dorm. Beca finds herself sitting back on her bed, looking at her phone. She opens up a new iMessage and smiles when she sees Chloe put her name in Beca's phone with a bunch of crazy emojis.

**Beca: Text me when you get home so I know you don't get kidnapped. – Beca**

Beca sees the message turn to "read" and Chloe starts typing back immediately.

**Chloe: Of course, but what is this some action film? Kidnapping here at Barden only happens at night, lol. ;p**

Beca reads the message with a large smile, and sets her phone down and grabs all her shower stuff. The brunette slouches around the communal bathroom, while trying to get as ready as quickly as possible. Upon perfecting her smoky eye, the brunette drags her combat boot clad feet across campus in a plaid top and dark jeans.

**Chloe: Safe and sound!**

Beca reads the text from twenty minutes ago and smiles to herself and puts her phone away. She has never quite been one to manage to text back. Beca enters the small café and plops down across from her dad in a booth. A plate with a large sandwich and a tall coffee cup sits next to it.

"I ordered you lunch," he announces.

Beca looks at the sandwich in distaste, "Thanks."

"So about this morning," Beca's dad begins.

Beca sips on her drink and coughs it back up, when the bitter taste of tea rots in her mouth. Her own father truly knows nothing about her.

"What's wrong?" He quizzes.

The freshman wipes at her mouth with a napkin, "Tea."

"I thought you liked tea?"

"Nope, that's probably one of your step monster children," Beca sasses.

Dr. Mitchell's face turns a deep shade of red, and the college student tries to prepare herself for the verbal abuse. She prepares herself to flinch. But then her father calms and exhales, probably because he can't verbally demean his own child in public.

"Rebeca," he states.

"Oh here we go," Beca rolls her eyes.

"Don't call your step siblings monsters. Now, I'm sorry I forgot, okay? But can we get back on topic?" When Beca doesn't respond, the older Mitchell continues, "So about this morning, I don't want you sharing beds with your friends anymore."

Beca scoffs, "Are you serious? I'm an adult."

"And I'm also an adult. An adult who will be paying your way to LA," he reminds.

Beca scoffs again at the ridiculousness that is her father. She rolls her eyes, "Don't get your panties in a bunch, it only happened because it was late and I was responsible and didn't want a _girl _walking campus alone at night."

"Well thank you for being responsible," he says. "Now you need to be more responsible with your classes."

Beca sinks in her seat. "Ew, school."

"Rebeca, if you want to go to LA in a year. You need to get above a 3.0," he adds yet another standard to the agreement.

"That's all A's and B's!" Beca exclaims.

"Your mother said you did it in high school just fine," he reminds. Beca just remains staring at him, angered by this whole situation. "Now, I talked to your English professor and she said her TA would help catch you up. Her name is Chloe," her dad trails off trying to remember the last name.

"Beale," Beca announces. "Yeah, she's on the Bella's with me. Nice girl."

Beca decides to leave out the fact that she was the girl caught with Beca in her bed this morning. It may change her dad's ideas just a bit. Beca feels the dread of what a long year is to come with this whole school thing.

"Okay, good," the professor voices. He pulls out his phone and sees a text, "It's Sheila, family emergency. I will talk to you later."

He throws a fifty dollar bill on the tabletop, leaving Beca alone with her untouched sandwich. Beca stares at the table with a frown. The idea of surviving a year of good grades in schooling she doesn't want seems just nasty. She pulls out her phone and types out a text to Chloe.

**Beca: I guess you're my tutor now.**

Beca gets a reply in thirty seconds.

**Chloe: I know! I just saw the email from my prof! This is awesome!**

** Beca: Hell is awesome?**

** Chloe: WE WILL HAVE FUN!**

** Beca: At least the company will be nice. :)**

Beca stares, surprised at her text. Beca Mitchell never uses emojis, and here she is. She scoffs at herself and brings her cup to her lips. She ends up spewing tea all over her lap, and she curses herself for her stupidity of forgetting her father ordered her _tea_.

"Beca?"

Beca looks up as she helplessly tries to press at the steaming hot liquid on her pants. She looks into the eyes of her teammate, Stacie who is wearing a waitress uniform and a nametag.

"You work here?" Beca asks.

The tall brunette nods, "Apparently, I'm your waitress too. I'll go get you napkins."

Beca smiles thankfully at the brunette. She looks back down at her phone when it vibrates.

**Chloe: I'll make it worth your while. ;p**

Beca stares wide eyed at her phone and gulps. The awkward brunette jumps when Stacie reappears at her side with a stack of napkins. She notices the brunette blatantly read the text on her screen, and Beca is quick to shut the screen off.

"Why does Chloe have hearts by her name in your phone?" Stacie inquires, while handing Beca napkins.

"She put that in there," Beca blushes and starts drying her pants off.

"Whatever you say," Stacie winks.

Beca looks back questioningly. She doesn't want to know what Stacie is thinking. Let alone herself. "Okay," she drawls out the word. "Can I just have a box for this nasty sandwich and a piece of pizza and a coffee to go?"

Stacie salutes and walks away. Beca turns her phone back on and stares at Chloe's response. She blushes re-reading it. Why does she feel so weird? Beca concludes to herself that she is just getting excited about actually having a friend.

**Beca: We study at dawn.**

** Chloe: Haha, you can just come over after Bella's rehearsals tonight.**

** Beca: But ew, Aubrey.**

** Chloe: You two are actually really similar! You will love each other.**

** Beca: On that note, ew bye.**

** Chloe: See ya later!**

Beca sticks her phone in her pocket, and smiles when Stacie returns with what she ordered. Beca grabs the fifty and hands it to Stacie, "Keep the change for the tip."

Stacie looks at her with wide eyes, "That's like a thirty dollar tip."

Beca shrugs, "And you had to deal with the asshole called my father. You earned it."

Stacie smiles, "Thanks, Becs. See you at practice later!"

The small brunette finds herself outside the tiny café in the brisk wind, carrying boxes and a cup which are too much for her stupid baby hands. Beca is a mess of trying to walk to the radio station with two boxes and a coffee cup. She stares down at her feet so she doesn't trip over them or a crack in the sidewalk or something stupid. She feels her phone vibrate in her pocket and she tries to reach for it with her coffee clad hand, and that's when the shit hits the fan. Beca stumbles over her feet, and crashes into a hard body. Subsequently spilling coffee all over the front of her outfit.

"Seriously?!" Beca exclaims at herself. Beca looks up, ready to explode on the culprit, when her eyes meet shockingly blue ones and a gasp escapes her mouth. "Chloe?"

Chloe takes the end of her sleeves and starts wiping the front of Beca's outfit, "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, Becs! I was just going to class, and I saw you and I was going to ask how lunch went with your dad and then we fell into each other! I'm so sorry!"

Beca doesn't fully register the ginger's rambling, but she does realize the sheer awkwardness of Chloe feeling up the front of her body with her wrists. Beca manages to grab both of the redhead's wrists, "It's okay, Chlo. Go to class; I'll be fine."

Chloe looks into Beca's eyes, "Where are you going?"

"Radio station," Beca announces.

Chloe sighs and unzips her Nike sweatshirt, "At least take this to cover it up."

Beca sighs and takes the offer, "Thank you. Here, take this sandwich that my mindless father bought me."

"What a loving gesture!" Chloe jokingly exclaims. "Alright, now I'm running really late. Text me when you get to work so I know you don't get kidnapped." Chloe quotes Beca's words from earlier in the day, and winks at the brunette upon walking away.

Beca smiles to herself as she walks to the radio station, wrapped in the warmth of the sweatshirt. Beca quickly chastises herself on her thoughts and begins stacking CD's. She snacks on bites of pizza in between stacking genres. The station is silent. She and Luke are the only ones here, and he is in the booth with headphones on. Inwardly, the freshman wishes Jesse was there for mere entertainment. Beca exchanges lighthearted texts with Chloe throughout the shift. And she catches herself smiling at her phone a lot. Luke lets the freshman leave early, so Beca quickly returns to her dorm to change clothes before the Bella's rehearsal.

She is the last to arrive to rehearsals, and she gets a glare from Aubrey. And a smile from Chloe. "You're late," Aubrey scolds.

Beca plops down in a seat next to Fat Amy, "Sorry I was changing out of my clothes that had coffee all over them. You can thank your co-captain for that," Beca winks at Chloe.

"And you had tea on your pants," Stacie adds, in a matter-of-fact tone. All of the Bella's turn and give Stacie an incredulous look. "What? I was her waitress and she spit up tea all over her pants. Like a little baby, it was adorable." The Bella's all give Stacie another incredulous look, and Chloe frowns a little bit, which slips Beca's attention.

"Well the Cup Master is so awkward, she's like a little toddler learning how to function, I imagine her mistakes would be adorable to others, humorous to me," the Australian Fat Amy voices.

Beca rubs her hand over her face and sighs, "See. I've had my struggles today."

Aubrey glares into Beca's soul for a few moments, and then exhales. "Cardio, aca-bitches!"

"Is eating pizza cardio?" Fat Amy jokes.

"No, now laps," Aubrey announces.

"She said naps," Fat Amy injects. "I'll be behind the seats of the bleachers if you need me."

The second Bella's rehearsal is just as hellish as the first, to Beca's dismay. When Beca is walking out of the gym, she feels a hand on her elbow. She turns to see a smiling Chloe, "You didn't think you'd get out of studying so easily, did you? And don't worry about Aubrey, she is staying after and planning rehearsals for tomorrow."

Beca sighs, "Ugh fine. What do I need?"

"Your textbook and laptop. Silly," Chloe says, and loops her elbow through the freshman's, "Actually, you can just borrow my laptop and email yourself from it and borrow my textbook."

The two walk in silence for a few moments, until Chloe speaks up, "So how did the thing go with your dad today?"

"As bad as you could imagine," Beca says.

"What did he say?" The ginger asks in a very concerned tone.

"That I can't sleep in a bed with friends anymore," Beca chuckles, "he's such an idiot. Oh, and I have to get above a 3.0 GPA."

Chloe smiles, "With my friendship, you will accomplish the second one."

"What about the first one?"

"Hell no," Chloe states.

The duo laughs loudly as Chloe leads them though the entrance of her apartment complex. They scale a few flights of stairs, and Beca finds herself in a cozy two bedroom apartment. The living room has a plushy couch and an overwhelming amount of pictures of Aubrey and Chloe taking selfies.

"It's excessive, but I love taking pictures!" Chloe notes. "Let's study in my room."

Beca groans and slouches behind the ginger into her bedroom, which has a pink zebra duvet, to no surprise to the freshman. Heaps of clothes sit on the carpeted floor, and Chloe blushes at the mess. Chloe grabs onto her laptop and plops onto the bed, motioning for Beca to follow.

"Sorry, my dad said I can't," Beca jokes.

"Because you're such a rule follower," Chloe smirks.

Beca smirks, "You know me." She follows her statement by plopping down next to the ginger on the bed, leaving considerable space between the two.

Within the next hour of studying, Beca has learned to be advantageous of Chloe getting distracted easily with certain quirks. Like if she initiates contact by brushing her arm or other shit, she distracts the ginger from schoolwork. Beca, extremely bored of reading excerpts from the Bible and comparing it to book pieces huffs.

"I know this like the back of my hand, may I remind you I grew up in Texas," Beca complains and jokes.

"Do you believe in it?" Chloe suddenly asks.

"Someone is getting philosophical," Beca announces, "but yeah."

Chloe smiles, "Another thing we have in common."

Beca bumps her shoulder with Chloe's, "Good to know, now, may I take a break?"

"Beca," Chloe warns.

"We could watch Grey's Anatomy," the freshman offers.

"You sneaky bitch," Chloe laughs. She starts clearing the notes and textbook off the bed, and opens up Netflix on her laptop. "You already know me so well."

Beca smiles to herself, and wants to respond something along the lines of that being a good thing. But she's a badass, they don't show emotions like that. But she really does like the ginger so far, a lot. She's been smiling more in the last 24 hours than she has in the past 24 months.

"I'm going to go grab something to drink, do you want anything?" Chloe says.

"No thanks," Beca says.

The brunette watches the ginger strut out of the room, and the senior leaves the door open a crack. Beca drums out a beat to a mix on her thigh upon awkwardly waiting. The brunette suddenly hears the front door open, and the high pitched voice of Aubrey.

"Hey, Chlo, what's up?"

"I'm watching Netflix, with," Chloe pauses, "someone."

"Someone better not be Tom, stay broken up with his sorry ass."

"Trust me, it is definitely not him," Chloe scoffs.

"It's Beca, isn't it?"

Beca hears silence, and grows more interested in eavesdropping on this conversation. Chloe obviously nodded or something, and Aubrey continues talking.

"She's a bad influence on you, you're supposed to be tutoring her, not cuddling up for a movie night!"

"We already did our homework, sorry I like her, she's a good friend," Chloe sounds defeated.

"You don't usually act this way with good friends, you forgot to text me last night and tell me you were sleeping at her dorm. I thought you got kidnapped!"

"Stop being so dramatic. I would invite you to watch it with us, but now I'm not so sure."

Beca tries to pretend to be preoccupied when Chloe walks in. She stares at her phone and responds to a text from Jesse, so she doesn't look like she was just listening. Beca looks up from her screen and smiles at the bewildered ginger.

"Let's watch some Grey's Anatomy," Chloe breathes out and cuddles next to Beca's side.

**A/N: Boom. And sorry, this will get better, I swear! I'm still getting used to this third person thing! Please tell me what you think! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Trigger Warning: Major warning of mention of self-harm.**

It becomes a thing. Beca and Chloe become something and it leaves them attached at the hip. The senior tutors Beca and catches her up in English, but still helps the brunette along with all her classes. When they aren't at class or working, they're together. Give or take the times Chloe hangs out with Aubrey or when Beca hangs out with Jesse, but when they aren't together, they text all the time. And there's also the thing that Chloe touches Beca all the time, and the brunette not being too touchy-feely, tries to stop, but it is a feeble fight Beca knows she wants to lose.

Beca likes it all. She likes it a lot. She loves having a friend, especially one to make her smile this much. Beca starts feeling less _sad_. She cuts less. She still does, but not as frequently, she feels more sense of worth when she's with Chloe, who treats Beca like she is all that matters in the world.

Things especially change when Chloe tells the Bellas that she has nodes.

The Bellas have a team bonding after the nodes confession, and Chloe is only on Beca's side. It kills the brunette to look at her friend and sees how red her cheeks are stained from the tears. The team stops to get ice cream at a Dairy Queen after Chloe's confession, because it's Beca's idea to help Chloe's throat and she agrees immediately.

The group pushes tables together, and Beca sits next to a wall and her favorite ginger. The freshman stabs around at her blizzard as the Bellas make jokes to try and cheer Chloe up. Beca looks at Chloe's fake smile, and she hasn't taken a bite of her ice cream. The brunette hesitates, and then slyly puts her non-dominant right hand on the ginger's thigh. Her cheeks heat up and her hand tingles when Chloe places her left hand on top of Beca's without breaking eye contact with Fat Amy.

"Alright! Onto cone number three, I will be back aca-bitches!" Fat Amy exclaims and climbs out of her seat.

"How are you doing?" Beca whispers to the ginger when the Bellas all turn their attention to a yelling and laughing match with Amy across the whole Dairy Queen.

The ginger smiles and strokes her thumb over Beca's hand, "Good, thanks to you."

They smile at each other like idiots.

"This tastes like my twin did in the womb," Lily whispers, for the first time ever the whole group hears her.

"What the-" Beca starts.

"What did I miss?" Fat Amy asks as she plops down in her seat next to Aubrey.

"Your innocence wasn't stolen, that's all," Aubrey mumbles.

"Oh it couldn't have been that bad," Amy drawls.

"Yeah, it isn't as bad as having nodes," the ginger tries to cynically joke. The Bellas all stare at each other silently, until Chloe interrupts, "I was joking guys."

The table hesitantly laughs, except for Beca, who can tell the ginger is the last thing from okay. Beca, going on blind courage and knowledge from knowing the redhead's habits, turns her right palm up to Chloe's hand, and intertwines her fingers with the redhead's. It's bold for the brunette who puts off the vibe of hating everything. But she knows this is how Chloe is with all her friends, and maybe the gesture will help. The freshman can see Chloe's jaw drop slightly, and then she feels her squeeze her hand. The smile on Chloe's face can tell her whole entire mood changed, and she feels proud of herself when the ginger takes a spoon to her ice cream and takes a bite.

"I'm not even kidding, I was on the Price is Right!" Fat Amy exclaims at Aubrey.

"No you weren't, Chloe and I watch that religiously in the summer," Aubrey argues.

"It was the Price is Right: Australia Edition. It was never aired, because there was this kangaroo accident," Fat Amy responds.

"Kangaroo accident?" Beca asks with a smirk.

"My grandma snuck a kangaroo in, because we had our rapping gig after," Fat Amy drawls, "and then it got away from my grandma and kicked Drew Carey in the junk."

The whole table erupts in laughter.

"Now here's the real question, would you have sex with Drew Carey if you had the chance?" Stacie asks.

"Fat Drew Carey or Skinny Drew Carey?" the Australian asks.

"Ew, no!" Aubrey exclaims, "Neither."

"Yeah, I would have to agree with Aubrey on that one," Cynthia Rose adds.

"Hmmm I wonder why," Fat Amy sings jokingly.

The Bellas begin rambling off of other points, when Beca feels her phone go off. She uses her left hand, mainly because Chloe keeps squeezing her right hand. She sees an iMessage from Stacie, and she looks up to the ditzy brunette across from her in confusion. Stacie pays her no attention and adds to Fat Amy's comment. Beca opens the text and sees an image of her and Chloe's hands grasped under the table.

**Stacie: Gotcha! ;)**

** Beca: What? I'm being comforting.**

Beca sighs and hides her phone on her left leg, mainly so Chloe can't read the nonsense over her shoulder. She watches Stacie look at her phone and type.

**Stacie: Whatever you say, Beca. **

The alternative girl sighs and ignores the message and turns to the now quiet table, Beca has to add to the silence, just so Stacie doesn't say anything false or stupid about the picture she took.

"I touched tongues with my cousin once," Beca notes.

"What?!" Fat Amy exclaims, busting out in laughter.

"Nobody else has done that before?" She looks around and sees all their blank and amused stares, "Oh well this is awkward. I think it messed her up. I think she works at a Wendy's now."

The whole table busts out laughing and Fat Amy slaps the table. That's when a Dairy Queen worker comes over with a frown, "I'm sorry ladies, my manager said I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave."

Beca lets go of her grip on Chloe's hand and stares at the worker's eyes, "Is that necessary?"

"Beca, it's fine we will leave," Chloe reasons.

"I'm sorry, you guys were just being too loud," the worker replies, sternly.

"Fine, I'll be seeing my way out," Beca says through clenched teeth and slams her cup in the trash on the way out. She feels the brisk air on her face and exhales. The brunette always gets worked up too easily, it's in her nature, a nice trait attributed through her father. She hears the Bella's follow her out, and a soft hand on her back.

"Are you okay?" Chloe whispers.

Beca clenches her fists, "Yeah, it's just frustrating, we weren't hurting anyone."

"Dang, shorty was ready to throw down in there!" Cynthia Rose exclaims with a laugh.

"Let's all go back to our apartment," Chloe voices while looking at Aubrey for permission.

Aubrey sighs, "Well since you offered it, I can't turn down a Bellas hangout."

The group starts shuffling back, and Beca walks behind to group, alone, grumbling in frustration. She sticks her hands in her pockets and kicks at the sidewalk for a few blocks, trying to calm herself down. She sees a flash of red, and looks up to see Chloe smiling at her widely.

"Are you all good?" Chloe quizzes.

Beca nods.

"Good, because we are about to have a great time!"

The group of ladies scale the stairs to the apartment. Fat Amy quickly claims the couch, and the Bella's follow to sit around on the ground. Beca leans against the wall, and looks down at her phone. She texts Jesse, which has become habit. And then she just plays around on the thing while the Bellas argue over what types of pizzas to order.

**Chloe: What's wrong, grumpy?**

Beca reads the message and ignores it, she knows Chloe seeing the read receipt will get her message across about not wanting to talk right now. She continues scrolling on social media, while trying to calm herself. It's a thing, Beca knows she has severe anger issues. Small stuff will set her off and the dam of anger breaks in her mind. She has learned to control it to the extent of ignoring people so she doesn't hurt them, with her words not her fists. She becomes very verbally abusive when mad, and she tries to prevent that.

**Chloe: Becs, don't push me away. Are you still upset about the DQ thing?**

Beca reads it and ignores it again. Clenching her free fist to just calm down. She turns her screen off and sticks it into her pocket. She claws through her long sleeve shirt at her cuts, which are covered with foundation from having to wear a short sleeve shirt earlier. The brunette knows she's the last thing from mentally okay, it isn't normal or okay to get this angry and have that correlate with complete and utter devastation. She has spent her fair time in her mind (and on the internet) to know she is depressed. And being alone is better sometimes, because then she is the only one hurt instead of anyone else she cares about.

**Chloe: I'm taking the silence as initiative. You aren't okay, that's fine. I'm here to help.**

** Beca: Don't offer to be my punching bag.**

** Chloe: Kinky. :p**

Beca lets out a slight smile at the ginger's joke. Well hopefully it's a joke. Chloe is flirty with everyone, it's her persona. She is probably just trying to make Beca feel better.

**Chloe: Now there's my favorite smile. I'm going to pick the pizza up, you're coming with me.**

Beca looks up, and sees Chloe smiling at her from across the room. The rest of the Bellas finally settle down from the great pizza dispute of pepperoni over bacon as a topping. Aubrey hangs up the phone from ordering pizza, and hands car keys to Chloe. Fat Amy starts scrolling though Netflix on the TV and then all the girls start debating on movies. Chloe brushes by and grabs Beca's wrist and pulls her out after her. Beca tries to hide her flinch at Chloe pressing on a particularly sensitive cut. The brunette is dragged to some rich person SUV and sits in the passenger seat next to Chloe.

"Tell me what's wrong," Chloe says after a few moments.

Beca fiddles with the radio, "It's nothing."

"Obviously it's something," Chloe lets out, with too much sass. Her voice softens, "And I'm here for you."

"I just have anger issues, that's all."

"Have you ever thought of getting help for it?"

"We _so _aren't talking about this," Beca sasses.

Chloe flinches, "Okay. I won't push, it's a sensitive subject and I don't want to hurt you."

"Why do you do that? Why are you so nice to me?" Beca asks, truly wondering.

"Because I care about you."

The freshman smiles like an idiot and looks out the window. Comfortable silence takes over the car for the rest of the ride, to the pizza place and back. It's the first time ever Beca hasn't felt like dying from being in silence with another human. She usually can't be in silence alone, she always needs music. But being quiet with people is usually a form of torture to Beca's mind and anxiety. It's because she always thinks too loudly, and it scares her. But this silence with Chloe, is completely golden, it makes her completely content.

The duo arrives back to the apartment with the long awaited pizza, and the whole group delves into the boxes. Upon finishing the food, Beca escapes to take a break for a moment. She already loves these girls to death, minus Aubrey, but she needs a break, she feels like she can't breathe. The brunette escapes to Chloe's room and plugs her phone into Chloe's charger. She lets out a shaky breath and tries to collect herself. Upon pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes, she feels a hand lightly on her shoulder. She whips around to stare into the icy orbs of Chloe's eyes.

"Are you okay?" the redhead inquires.

"Yeah."

"Well we are about to watch a movie, why don't we go on out there? I was going to change into sweats first." Chloe travels to her closet and pulls out two pairs of sweats and throws a pair to Beca, "Here."

"I'm fine," she tries tossing the pants back, but Chloe catches it and deflects it back.

"All the Bellas brought pajamas, I don't want you to get uncomfortable."

The brunette sighs and travels to the connected bathroom to strip out of her skinny jeans and into the sweats. Upon returning to the room, she witnesses Chloe's back to her as she pulls off her shirt. Beca gulps and tries to take her eyes away from her _friend _who is also a _girl_, and she can't look at a girl like that. But her eyes are drawn as Chloe's back muscles contract and relax until she pulls a black t-shirt on over it.

"Do you like something you see?" Chloe asks without even turning around.

Beca can't breathe, and she stutters while scratching at her cuts. "Uh, I-I, I um, you should give me y-your w-workout plan."

Chloe spins around and raises an eyebrow, "You work out?"

Beca lies and nods, "It's not just fast metabolism that keeps this stomach so flat." She's lying, somewhat. She works out with the Bellas and runs sometimes. But it's more of a weekly thing rather than a daily thing.

Chloe smirks and stares at the freshman gesturing to her stomach, "Okay, I will pencil you in."

Beca sighs, and Chloe fishes out a blue athletic t-shirt and tosses it to Beca, "Here's a shirt."

The brunette shakes her head vehemently, "Uh no, I'm fine."

"Beca, you're wearing a leather jacket, that won't be too comfortable to lounge around and sleep in."

"But I get cold easily," Beca quips. She's good at telling these lies to cover her forearms.

"I'll keep you warm," Chloe winks and struts out of the room.

Beca grumbles to herself, cursing at how she got into this mess. She peels off her clothes and pulls the t-shirt on. The red horizontal lines contrast her milky white skin, and make it like a blinking light on her arms. She crosses her arms, concluding it's her best choice to hide it.

"Hey," the Bellas chime when Beca emerges.

Chloe pats a spot on the couch next to her, and Beca reluctantly sits down. "We are going to watch a scary movie."

"I hate movies," Beca grumbles to herself. "Shouldn't we turn the lights off then? To make it scarier?" Beca asks, mainly because the dark will cover her arms.

"Yeah," Chloe nods and gets up to switch the lights off as the opening credits come in.

Beca lets out a sigh of relief and now her arms are invisible as before. The supposedly scary scenes pass by, and Beca isn't fazed. It is all predictable. Except, she doesn't really argue, because Chloe holds her hand and cuddles into her side. For some reason it makes her feel better when her arms are exposed like this.

The brunette finds herself falling asleep as she usually does during movies. And she is proud of herself that she makes it to the halfway point of the movie before she passes out. Dreams of blackness pass her by in her nice nap, until loud noises start to bring her out of her slumber.

"Aw, she's so cute when she's asleep!" Stacie coos.

"Well and awake too," Chloe mumbles.

"We should draw on her face!" Fat Amy exclaims.

"Nobody is drawing on anyone's face!" Aubrey exclaims. "Who falls asleep during a scary movie anyways?"

"Unless if she's dead," Lily whispers.

"Can I at least stick her hand in warm water?" Fat Amy asks.

"Guys, I am awake, you know?" Beca mumbles with her eyes remained closed.

"Aca-awkward," Fat Amy sings.

Beca cracks her blue orbs open to see all the Bellas crowded around her and inspecting her. She instantly makes sure to hide her arms, while rolling her eyes at the group.

"So are we going to go to bed or keep staring at me?" Beca voices.

"Someone is a Grinch," Fat Amy responds.

"Bedtime aca-bitches, we have an 8 am practice tomorrow." Aubrey announces and Fat Amy groans.

Beca stands up and stretches her arms above her head, and she panics when she realizes she exposed her arms. Her eyes dart around and sees nobody's eyes on her, so she quickly crosses her arms again and shrugs. The Bellas all start sprawling around on the ground and couch, and Chloe leads Beca into her room.

"Why don't we sleep with the rest of the team?" Beca asks.

Chloe stares sadly at the ground and she looks like she has tears in her eyes.

"Chloe, what's wrong? Is it your nodes? Are they hurting you?" Beca interviews.

That's when Chloe looks the younger woman in the eye with depressing eyes, and then looks down to the brunette's crossed arms. "Beca, I saw your arms."

Beca suddenly feels her world crash in around her. Her secret is exposed, she feels her throat close at the nakedness she feels. She crosses her arms on instinct, and feeling so raw and vulnerable makes her natural good roots of anger get exposed.

"What are you talking about?" The brunette snaps, vehemently.

"I'm talking about that it looks as if you hurt yourself," Chloe whispers.

"Well I don't," Beca lies.

Chloe roughly grabs Beca's wrist, and if she wasn't fueled by anger she would've wince from the pain, "Then what is this?!" Chloe cries.

"None of your fucking business," Beca snaps and rips her arm out of Chloe's grip. The brunette shoves past the redhead and pulls her leather jacket on, "I should just go."

"Beca, no, don't leave angry. Don't leave like this," Chloe pleads with fat teardrops streaming down her cheeks.

Beca shoves the hand off of her arm, "Don't. You don't get a say, leave me alone!"

The seething brunette steps past Chloe and storms out the apartment with all the Bellas staring down the badass with tears in her eyes. Beca's world is a blur upon crossing campus, all she knows is that she is suddenly fumbling with the lock on her dorm. She bursts into the dorm with tears of frustration, at herself, streaming down her face. Thankfully, Kimmy Jin isn't here, so Beca rushes to the box under her bed and pulls out a razor blade. She digs and winces as the blood seeps out of the new cut of frustration.

Her salty tears fall into the cut as she whispers, "I hate myself."

**A/N: And there's that. Sorry if the ending was too abrupt. Thanks for all the follows and such. Please, please review! Tell me what you think so I know this isn't terrible :D Until next time…**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait! Warning: Mention of self harm.**

Beca manages to pass out a few hours later. After being kept awake by Chloe's text messages begging her to tell her if she was okay and apologizing. Beca would read them and feel sick with herself. She sleeps uneasily and awakens the next morning to the sunlight shining in through her windows. The brunette inspects herself in the mirror, she contains big black circles under her eyes and a few new cuts adorn her arms. That's when she realizes that she is still wearing Chloe's clothes. She is quick to strip out and into some of her own clothes. That's when she retreats back into her bed and hides.

She scrolls through her phone to see many notifications.

**Chloe: Becs I'm sorry.**

** Chloe: Please don't do anything you'll regret.**

** Chloe: I care about you, please stay safe.**

Beca ignores the text messages from the ginger, and instead throws her phone on the ground. She turns her back to the world and blares music for the rest of the day. Hiding from her problems and hiding from her thoughts. From being such a hard ass, you would think she wouldn't cry so much. But here Beca Mitchell is, staining her pillow with smeared eye liner. She is the last thing from okay.

The scenes replay from last night, over and over again. She hates herself for being so cruel, and she hates herself for the way she looked at Chloe yesterday. She can't like a girl like that. It's wrong, it's what her parents taught her and she believes it. She's an abomination. She just can't like a _girl_. She _can't. _Beca cries, deep down her mind argues with her reasoning. But she knows, she's just excited about a friendship. Ew, no, she reminds herself, don't like girls. Beca sobs.

When her phone keeps vibrating in the middle of the night, she climbs out of the cave of her bed, and looks at her phone. She has a few text messages from Jesse clowning around. And a ton from Chloe. Most are apologizing, a few are her getting angry, and many plead to see if Beca is okay. Beca sighs and wipes at her cheeks.

**Beca: Just come over.**

Chloe replies almost immediately.

**Chloe: I'm on my way.**

Beca lays back down and stares at the ceiling. Her dry eyes blink and blink until she slowly falls asleep. She has weird dreams that she is too weirded out to think about. The brunette wakes back up when she feels a delicate hand on her shoulder, waking her up. Beca rolls over, squinting up at the person above her.

Chloe stares down at Beca with a tired smile, her ginger hair is in a messy bun, and her usually bright blue eyes look duller. Beca instantly knows that she's been crying. And the light from the room shines in a way behind her that she looks almost angel like. Beca sits up to even her eye contact with the ginger. Chloe looks almost like she's scared of Beca. The brunette observes this as Chloe quickly avoids eye contact and chews at her nails.

"Hey," Chloe whispers.

"Hi," Beca replies.

"I'm sorry," the duo says simultaneously.

"Why are you sorry?" Beca asks, "I was the ass."

Chloe plays with the strings on her gray sweatshirt and looks down, sadly, "I didn't react very well. I should've responded another way. So I'm sorry."

Beca sighs, "You don't need to be sorry, you were just trying to help and I was terrible."

"You weren't being terrible, you're obviously going through a hard time and you lashed out, and I will be here for you," Chloe smiles. Beca can't help but find Chloe's genuine smile contagious. And Beca lets out a crooked smile, and Chloe bumps the younger woman's shoulder, "There's a smile."

"I don't want to talk about it though," Beca announces; subsequently building her walls straight back up.

Chloe shrugs, "And we don't have to talk about it, and if you want to talk, we will talk when you're ready."

Beca chuckles to herself and bows her head down.

"What?" the redhead asks.

"How do you do that?" Beca asks.

"Do what?" Chloe responds.

"Make me feel so important," the freshman chuckles.

Chloe blushes. Chloe freaking Beale actually _blushes_. She bows her head and shrugs, "Because you just are."

For the first time ever, Beca Mitchell initiates a hug. She was always an awkward one with physical contact, never quite knowing where to put her hands. Old habits seem to die hard, she manages to wrap her arms around the ginger, but her hand manages to knock the lamp off of her desk when she embraces the girl. Beca immediately pulls back, because the lamp falling was her sign of reality. She was getting intimate and hugging the girl she was staring at yesterday and holding hands with. She's acting too overfriendly, and it may change her thoughts.

Beca springs off of the bed, and bows her head and turns her back to Chloe to pick the lamp up. The thing managed to not break, but it managed to knock down a container of pens. And Beca is thankful she can busy herself with that instead of facing her thoughts or Chloe.

When she turns around, Chloe's gaze quickly shoots to the ceiling and away from Beca and her cheeks are tinged pink. Was she just staring at Beca's ass? Or lack of thereof? The freshman brushes it off, she is _so _not dealing with that right now.

"Are you okay, Becs? You look weird," Chloe voices.

"I just haven't eaten or drank anything since the Bellas bonding," Beca says quickly, which isn't a lie.

Chloe grabs the freshman's hand, "That was almost 24 hours ago! Let's go get you food!"

"I haven't showered," the brunette reasons, to try and get away.

"Put a beanie on," Chloe announces, whilst walking over to Beca's closet and searches for a change of clothes.

"I'm fine, really. I don't want to go out to eat," Beca announces.

"Oh, then we can just order in!"

"No, just stop!" Beca yells.

"Stop what?" Chloe asks, thrown back.

"I don't want to…" Beca pulls at her hair, "I can't. I don't want to eat with you!"

Chloe looks crushed for a second, and Beca regrets it immediately. Beca Mitchell you piece of shit, she scolds in her head. But then the tips of Chloe's ears turn red as her eyes zero in on Beca. "What has possibly transpired in the last five minutes that you're pushing me away again?"

"Stop talking to me like that!" Beca yells.

"Oh, so you can yell at me, but I can't return the favor?" Chloe yells.

The brunette stops, "Okay, fine, I'm an asshole. Just leave me alone please."

"No, I won't do that, I want you to be okay."

"Don't treat me like a lost puppy," the freshman nearly growls.

"I'm treating you like a friend that I care a lot for," Chloe mumbles.

"Well then stop caring," the brunette blubbers.

"I'll stop caring when the world stops spinning."

And for some reason in the quick argument, that is when Beca loses it. It's like the dam holding back the emotions stinging inside her right now breaks. Her navy eyes start shedding tears at a rapid rate and she can feel her legs give out. Nobody has ever cared about her before, and now she has Chloe, who is holding her on the ground and petting her hair down, who admits she will care until the end of time. Beca has never had anyone care, her dad abandoned her and her mom treated her like a burden, so much so that she actually believed it.

"I will always be here," Chloe whispers into Beca's hair. This only makes Beca sob harder. She feels lips lightly press against her temple. "Do you think you can get up?"

Beca weakly nods.

"Okay, good," Chloe voices as she helps the weeping Beca to her feet. The ginger ushers the bawling girl to the bed, and Chloe sits and pulls the girl into her, until Beca is practically curled into the gingers side and on her lap.

Beca doesn't know how long the long awaited mental breakdown lasts. She just feels something almost that resembles home as she cries in the ginger's arms. Eventually her crying dies down, by now, without Chloe she would've cut. But here she is, unharmed, and staring into shining, beautiful blue eyes.

"How about we get some food in you?" Chloe cheers.

Beca nods.

"Why don't you go shower first? It always helps," the redhead advises.

So then the freshman finds herself showering in the communal showers, and feeling rejuvenated upon entering her room and seeing Chloe sitting on her bed with a large smile. The robe clad Beca smirks back and goes into her closet. She slips dark jeans and a black long sleeve on and sits down next to Chloe on the bed.

"Are you ready to go eat?" Chloe asks.

"Yeah," Beca responds, and her voice cracks.

The two exit the dorm together. And Chloe loops her elbow through Beca's, and the pair smiles at each other. The two walk silently in the brisk air. Upon entering the café, the duo sits across from each other at a booth.

"Hey, I'm your waitress Stacie," the duo looks up at the speaking brunette who is looking at her nails, she looks up, "Oh hey guys!"

"Hey, Stacie," Beca says.

"Why weren't you at practice today?" Stacie inquires.

Beca shrugs, and Chloe is quick to speak, "Can I have a water, please?"

"Coffee," Beca mumbles.

Stacie smiles, and shoots a wink at Chloe before walking away. Beca turns to the ginger and smiles, "Thanks for covering for me like that."

Chloe smiles in such a way it makes Beca's heart speed up, "Of course. I'm always here," the ginger says wholeheartedly and reaches across the table and grabs Beca's forearm lightly.

"I know," Beca smiles.

"Sorry to interrupt," Beca jumps at Stacie suddenly standing beside her with a smirk on her face, "but would you guys like to order anything?"

The two quickly give their orders to the smirking brunette, and then return to longing looks and shit eating grins. Beca can't help but feel so much better. She is so content and she has this lovely redhead with blue eyes smiling at her to thank for it. Stacie returns to the pair with their food, and the two eat in between great conversations.

Upon returning back to Beca's dorm, Chloe gives the younger girl a hug. A long and lingering hug to signify that she will always be there. Beca manages to whisper a thank you, and Chloe pulls away and leaves a soft kiss on the freshman's cheek, which leaves the young woman blushing and putting her hand over the tingling skin.

"Let's go to bed," Chloe smiles at the sleepy girl.

Beca is suddenly so sleepy from the last shitty 24 hours, and not to mention the confusing cheek kiss from Chloe. The ginger helps pull the long sleeve shirt off as Beca struggles, and Beca feels her insides collapse in insecurity of her cuts. She meets Chloe's striking and simply the most beautiful eyes she has ever seen, and the pair hold deep eye contact. And Beca would be lying if she said it wasn't the scariest moment of her life. When Chloe runs her thumbs, lovingly over the cuts, and leans down to leave a soft kiss on the most recent one, Beca lets out an unwanted sob. She is terrified, she is too exposed, and way too intimate with a girl that she has been looking at in a more than friendly way.

"It will be okay, Bec," Chloe whispers as she dresses Beca in sleeping clothes. "You are going to be happy."

Beca only lets out a whimper, and Chloe leads the pair back to the bed and holds the young girl. The brunette latches onto Chloe like a lifeline as she sobs. Her body is hyperaware of Chloe rubbing her hands up and down her back, and she likes it.

"You're the Christina to my Meredith," Chloe whispers as she kisses Beca's temple.

And when Beca registers the girl's words, she has never been more terrified or so full of joy in her entire life.

**A/N: And scene. Tell me what you think! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Trigger warning: slight mention of self-harm at the end.**

Beca finds herself huffing in exhaustion as she desperately tries to keep pace with the running Chloe. A few days after the cheek kiss, Chloe brought up how Beca said she wanted to work out with her. And that is how Beca finds herself now, running behind the sports bra clad Chloe while doing interval sprinting. What the hell even is that, Beca continually thinks to herself. When the ginger ahead of her comes to a stop and bends over to stretch, the brunette's eyes fail her and go right to the point of interest pointing at her.

"Time to stretch," Chloe breathes, "and get your eyes off my ass."

The ginger winks as Beca rolls her eyes and stretches with the girl. Upon the pair finishing their stretches, Chloe leads Beca back to her apartment, while jokingly rubbing her sweat on the freshman.

"You are disgusting," Beca smiles when the ginger wipes her forehead on Beca's bare forearm.

After wiping her sweat on the freshman, Chloe grabs Beca's wrist and turns it over, "How have you been doing, Becs?"

The brunette quickly retracts her arm, "Good. And I actually mean it."

The senior smile widely, "Good! You need to be good, to be ready for the Riff-Off."

Beca frowns, "Yeah, Jesse told me about that! What the hell is it?"

Chloe's expression falters when Jesse's name is brought up, but it quickly returns to normal. It was short enough for Beca to not notice. Chloe smiles, "I'll explain on the walk to my apartment, but it is your opportunity to show Aubrey the talent you have and how you can change this group."

Beca smiles and raises an eyebrow as she attentively listens to Chloe.

Twenty minutes later, Beca finds herself sprawled out on Chloe's bed as she hears the ginger belting lyrics in the shower. The brunette brushes through her wet hair from recently showering, and she listens to a variety of music on Chloe's phone to get ready for the practice Riff-Off tonight. Beca finds herself dozing off as an old Spice Girls song starts following through her earbuds.

The freshman wakes up to a kiss on her forehead. She cracks her eyes open to see luminous blue eyes way closer than she expected, almost to the point of almost having to cross hers to focus. She feels cool minty breath exhaled on her face.

Beca shakes her head to look away from the lips of Chloe and she smiles, "What are you doing, Chloe?" She laughs.

Chloe blows air on the brunettes face again, "Does my breath smell like egg?"

Beca quickly whips her head back with a befuddled expression at the random question, "Uh, no, it smells like mint. Why are you asking this?"

The ginger sits back and sighs, "Last year the Bellas captain, Alice, told me that my breath smells like egg all the time. And I've just been really self-conscious about it ever since."

The younger girl sits up, "Well don't worry about it. Your breath is perfect, just like you."

Beca means to make this sound sarcastic and as a joke, but halfway through the sentence, her tone sounds serious as she focuses in on Chloe's eyes. Chloe bites her lip, and it makes Beca lose her breath for a second. The young DJ feels the backs of her bare arms tingle as Chloe's hands make it to her arms and she rubs her hands up and down. Chloe's beautiful face blurs as it gets closer. That's when the door flies open.

"Chlo, time for the practice Riff-Off!" Aubrey's shrill voice breaks through the air.

At the sudden interruption, Beca finds herself flying off the bed. She has never moved so fast. Her mind sprints and her arms burn. Did Chloe almost kiss her? That's not okay, it's wrong. She doesn't like girls. Even though the deepest part of her brain knows she wishes Aubrey opened that door five minutes later.

"Oh, Beca, you're here too. Well time to go," Aubrey barks.

For the first time ever, Beca finds herself listening to Aubrey, as she pulls her jacket off a chair and follows Aubrey out of the room. Beca digs her nails into her palms, until she feels a hand on her lower back while leaving the apartment. She looks at Chloe who is touching her.

"You okay?"

Beca nods, because words are failing her right now. Even though she isn't okay. She almost just did one of the ultimate wrongs that her parents taught her. She is the last thing from being alright. And when Chloe smiles widely at her and her stomach lurches, she wants to punch herself in the face.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Beca's voice cracks in a way that Chloe immediately notices she's lying.

Chloe narrows her eyes and then smiles, she looks to Aubrey ahead of them and then back to Beca. She leans forward and pecks the brunette's cheek, "I'm here when you want to tell me what is wrong."

The freshman's nervous stomach lurches in a way that is too good at the contact of the ginger's lips on her cheek. She feels the heat flow to her cheeks as her conflicted mind screams. Chloe takes in her face completely and pats the younger girl's shoulder before matching pace with Aubrey.

Beca matches pace with the girls and walks quietly as her mind screams. Her cheek still burns. It's wrong, she simply can't possibly feel that way towards another girl. It's a sin. She feels her self-hatred swallow herself up, why is she so terrible?

The trio arrives to the rehearsal space, and awaits the rest of the group's arrival. Beca is too busy dying in her thoughts to listen to Aubrey and Chloe do their best friend talking. The brunette just keeps repeating an internal mantra about how much she hates herself. The young girl fiddles with her phone and texts Jesse, he's a cute distraction. A distraction that isn't a sin.

**Beca: Practicing this Riff-Off to beat your ass tomorrow, Swanson.**

**Jesse: You don't even know the big guns that you are going to get shot with (and romanced with by me)! No practice will save you!**

**Beca: You're an idiot. **

**Jesse: You love it. :) **

Beca closes her phone when all the Bellas arrive, and Aubrey leads the girls to the empty pool. Beca doesn't question how this is going to look like a scene from 8 Mile. The brunette kicks at the sidewalk as she listens to Fat Amy entertaining the group. It doesn't take long to trespass into this pool space. The group stands, facing each other and awaiting Aubrey's instructions.

"Alright, practice Riff-Offs. I emailed you all the rules. We will split to three teams and compete," Aubrey begins. "Team One: Me, Lily, Jessica, and Denise. Team Two: Chloe, Cynthia Rose, and Ashley. And Team Three: Fat Amy, Beca, and Stacie. Now group up!"

Beca groups up with the funny duo, as the pair jumps up and down in excitement. She is a good fifteen feet across from Chloe's team, and Chloe makes a cracking the whip motion and mouths something along the lines of "I'm going to make you my bitch." Beca smiles as Aubrey pulls a category from a bowl with pieces of paper in it.

"Alright, first category: 1990's ladies!" Aubrey steps back, "And begin!"

When everyone hesitates, Aubrey starts belting TLC lyrics:

"_Don't go chasing waterfalls,  
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,  
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all,  
But I think you're moving too fast."_

The girls start making the backup noises to the classic, and Denise accompanies Aubrey:

_"Little precious has a natural obsession, For temptation but he just can't see,  
She gives him loving that his body can't handle,  
But all he can say is 'Baby-'"_

Chloe steps forward and faces Aubrey and interrupts:

_"'Baby, how's your day?'  
But today, it ain't the same,  
Every other word is 'Uh huh', 'Yeah, okay'  
Could it be that you are at the crib with another lady  
If you took it there  
First of all let me say  
I am not the one to sit around and be played  
So prove yourself to me  
I'm the girl that you claim  
Why don't you say the things  
That you said to me yesterday!"_

Chloe signals to the girls and points at Beca with a wink, before returning it to the chorus:

_"Say my name, say my name  
When no one is around you,  
Say baby I love you  
If you ain't runnin' game  
Say my name, say my name  
You actin' kinda shady,  
Ain't callin' me baby  
Why the sudden change?_

_Say my name, say my name  
If no one is around you,  
Say baby I-"_

Beca sprints out to the middle to be _right _in front of Chloe to stop the girl as she tries to serenade her with Beyoncé. She thinks of the most recent song she's heard:

"_I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,__  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,__  
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,__  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,__  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha."_

Stacie and Fat Amy do backup vocals to the dancing Beca. Stacie grinds on the awkward Beca as Fat Amy takes over:

_"If you want my future forget my past,__  
If you wanna get with me better make it fast,__  
Now don't go wasting my precious time,__  
Get your act together we could be just fine___

_I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,__  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,__  
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.___

_If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends (gotta get with my friends)__  
Make it last forever friendship never ends,__  
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,__  
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is."_

"Boom, bitches!" Beca exclaims breathlessly, and halts Stacie's motions that the two both got too into. And Beca notices Chloe's bright red face, and it takes the brunette a moment to register that Chloe is jealous. If looks could kill, Stacie would be dead. It was all in good fun, everyone knows that, but Chloe is peeved. And Beca almost doesn't know how to feel about it.

"Nice job, ladies!" Aubrey steps forward, "Beca, you surprised me. Good job."

Beca notices Chloe giving her the same proud smile she gave her at tryouts and in the shower, and Beca returns it with a wide and prideful smile.

Aubrey shrugs, "Alright one more round!" She pulls a piece of paper, and scrunches her eyebrows, "Female Rappers."

Cynthia Rose sprints forward before Fat Amy has time to go out:

"_Is it worth it, let me work it  
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it  
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it__  
If you got a big, let me search you  
And find out how hard I gotta work you  
I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it___

_I'd like to get to know you so I could show you  
Put the pussy on you like I told you  
Gimme all your numbers so I-"_

Stacie runs out, and her rapping skills are lacking, so Beca quickly takes over:

"_I could hold you down, like I'm givin' lessons in physics (right, right)  
You should want a bad bitch like this (huh?)  
Drop it low and pick it up just like this (yeah)  
Cup of Ace, cup of Goose, cup of Cris  
High heels, somethin' worth a half a ticket on my wrist (on my wrist)  
Takin' all the liquor straight, never chase that (never)  
Rooftop like we bringin' '88 back (what?)  
Bring the hooks in, where the bass at?  
Champagne spillin', you should taste that."_

Fat Amy steps forward and starts singing Charli XCX's lyrics:__

_"I'm so fancy you already know,  
I'm-"_

Chloe sprints forward and makes direct eye contact with Beca:

"_I'm feelin' my, feelin' myself  
I'm feelin' myself, I'm feelin' my, feelin' my, feelin' myself  
I'm feelin' myself, I'm feelin' my, feelin' myself  
I'm feelin' myself, I'm feelin' my,"_

The girls on Aubrey's team and Chloe's team do backup as Chloe dances like Stacie does, basically groping herself and singing sexually.

"_I'm with some hood girls lookin' back at it  
And a good girl in my tax bracket  
Got a black card that let Saks have it  
These Chanel bags is a bad habit  
I-I do balls, Dal Mavericks, my Maybach, black matted  
Bitch, never left but I'm back at it  
And I'm feelin' myself, jack rabbit  
Feelin' myself, back off,  
Cause I'm feelin' myself, jack off  
He be thinking about me when he whacks off  
Whacks on? Wax off  
National anthem hats off, then I curve that bitch-"_

Beca knows Chloe is getting to her, knowing from how turned on she is. Wait, what? Chloe keeps winking at the freshman throughout the rap verse and the action sends a launch of feeling to the bottom of the freshman's stomach. She can't let Chloe win, she runs forward, face-to-face:

"_Bitch, us straight  
These girls are my sons, John and Kate plus eight  
When I walk in, sit up straight, I don't give a fuck if I was late  
Dinner with my man on a G5 is my idea of an update  
Hut one, hut two, big titties, big butt too  
Fuck with them real bitches who don't tell bitches what they up to  
Had to show bitches where the top is, ring finger where the rock is  
These hoes couldn't test me even if their name was pop quiz  
Bad bitches who I fuck with, mad bitches we don't fuck with  
I don't fuck with them chickens unless they last name is cutlet  
Let it soak in like seasonin'  
And tell 'em, tell 'em blow me, Lance Stephenson."_

The sexualized ordeal ends in Beca's team's hands, as Beca drops an imaginary mic when done with the verse. Beca feels her eyes and Chloe's burn into each other throughout the whole verse, as Beca did a lot of overconfident ass shaking throughout that verse. But what she did during the rap compared to Stacie and Fat Amy made her look like an angel.

"Okay," Aubrey breaks through the tension between Beca and Chloe, which apparently the duo only notices, "Beca, Fat Amy, and Stacie, you are the winners."

"Sweet! What do we win?" Fat Amy exclaims.

"We didn't think about that," Chloe says to Aubrey and the group.

"First rounds of drinks for you three after we win that Riff-Off tomorrow are on me!" Aubrey exclaims.

Stacie and Fat Amy whoop, and Beca smiles. "So are we dismissed, sir?" Beca asks.

"Yes, rest well tonight, aca-bitches!" Aubrey yells, almost sounding happy.

Beca feels an arm looped through hers and she turns to Chloe who has red cheeks. The pair discreetly leaves the group and towards Beca's dorm, which is quite close. The pair walks in the brisk silence, with a new huge ass tension in the air. The pair stops outside the door of Beca's dorm and face each other.

"You did great, Becs," the ginger smiles as she hugs Beca for a long time.

"You did too, I didn't know you had it in you." Beca smirks and puts her hands in her pockets.

"I'm more than what meets the eye," Chloe winks. "But you, lady, are crazy! Spice girls, Iggy, and Nicki, damn girl it was sexy!"

Beca is thrown back at the words of Chloe. The pair lock in an intense staring match, and Beca realizes in that moment as Chloe singing _Feeling Myself_ and provocatively dancing, for Beca, that she is attracted to the ginger. The brunette is feeling something that makes her hands tingle and her stomach churns. She wants to kiss the girl, but she instantly is met with the voice in her head saying that she can't like a girl. I'm an abomination, Beca thinks to herself. Reality crashes on the girl and she can barely breathe.

"Alright, I will see you tomorrow! Good night," Beca breathes out and rushes into her dorm and shuts the door in Chloe's face before she can speak.

The brunette feels the tears rushing down her cheeks. She is everything wrong. She is an abomination condemned to Hell. She hates herself and she reaches under her bed for her razor blades as she screams into her pillows. She needs to cut now, it will alleviate the pain of being a sin. She needs to cut. She cries loudly when her skin breaks under the pressure and blood seeps up. She has never hated herself more than now as she continues to think of Chloe's beautiful blue eyes and smile against her will, despite the pain.

**A/N: Citing the songs: Waterfalls/TLC, Say My Name/Destiny's Child, Wannabe/Spice Girls, Work it/Missy Elliot, Fancy/Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX, Feeling Myself/Nicki Minaj ft. Beyoncé, and Only/Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown! Writing a Riff-Off was fun! Thanks for all the feedback, tell me what you think! **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This chapter is in Chloe's POV, an FYI, mainly because it wrote better this way.**

Chloe Beale is a very compassionate person. Everyone including herself knows this fact, she cares a lot. It's something she always tries to always work on and better herself at. Especially when Beca Mitchell waltzes into the caring ginger's life by singing these songs that just affect her in a way nobody understands, she finds herself mad at herself for not being _there _enough for the struggling girl. She cares so much for the beautiful brunette with the stormy eyes, and seeing her in pain nearly kills her.

The ginger feels something with the mysterious brunette, she always feels herself giddy at any and all interactions with the girl. It hurts her to see Beca so confused, and she wants to be there to help, but when she does help, she always makes it worse. Chloe herself, being bisexual, found herself in almost the same boat as Beca her freshman year in high school when she faced the ultimate internal struggle of her sexuality and religion clashing. She managed to come to terms that both can coexist, and the religion she lives by is an all loving god. Although it wasn't so fast to her realizing this, most of her freshman year was spent drunk, until the girl she was with then snapped her out of it the next summer. She is just so scared to go through this with Beca, because Beca is struggling more than she was and she doesn't want this girl that she likes so much to be in pain.

When Chloe serenaded Beca earlier, rather inappropriately, she was doing it in good flirting fun, because the pair had grown. Like, Beca was holding her hand a lot, she was getting more comfortable. So the ginger saw it having no problem, and it worked, she could tell Beca liked it a lot. Like a lot. She took it as initiative to walk the girl she was so attracted to to her dorm. But now she stands here outside the door that was just slammed in her face. She can hear Beca stifle a sob, and she hovers with her ear to the door. She likes her and she knows Beca reciprocates that and is struggling with the concept, she wants to help, but she is the one causing Beca this pain. She still needs to help.

She knocks lightly, in a lighthearted Chloe Beale fashion, "Becs?"

Silence.

"Beca, please open up." Chloe pleads and she can hear her voice edging on tears, because deep down Beca is physically hurting herself right now. "Please, Becs. Don't push me out." She is met with silence, especially since Beca's crying stopped. She can picture the beautiful girl with smeared eye liner pressing her ear on the other side of the door. "I know you aren't in a good place right now and you don't want me to see it. But I'm here, because I care. And you are so amazing, and talented, and honestly the most beautiful and perfect person I have ever met, and I can't live knowing the fact that someone as amazing as you is hurting. Please, don't push me away. Let me in."

Within the silent hallway of Baker Hall, the door creaks open and the short brunette with disheveled hair, streaked eyeliner, slouched posture, and tear stained cheeks is standing there. She is absolutely beautiful, Chloe thinks to herself. The younger girl refuses to make eye contact, and she holds her arm across her stomach to block Chloe off.

Chloe reaches forward and lightly sticks her index finger under Beca's chin to lift her head up to make Beca look her in the eye. When the stormy and beautiful eyes meet Chloe's, Beca starts bawling. Chloe is a bit misty herself. In the instant their eyes meet, Chloe feels something crack in her heart that makes her fall for this beautiful brunette even more. She closes the distance and wraps Beca in such a tight hug that Chloe just hopes could heal all of Beca's problems if she just holds her. Beca holds onto Chloe for dear life, she squeezes pieces of Chloe's sweater between her fists to pull the girl closer and to keep her safe. The ginger leads them into the room and closes the door behind them. She leads them to Beca's bed and holds her while she cries.

"I will always be here, Beca. You never need to go through this alone," Chloe whispers into her hair as she kisses the brunette's temple.

She holds onto the brunette until Beca cries herself to sleep. Chloe quickly follows and sleeps as well. When Chloe wakes the next day, she is alone in the cold bed and a note is left on Beca's desk. In her messy scrawl:

_Sorry, I had an early shift and then I have a class (that I will actually attend) after, I will see you at the Riff-Off._

_Queen B (Bec)_

Chloe sighs and sticks the note in her pocket, she got farther past Beca's walls to help her last night, but now she left her alone in the morning. She ignores her own petty feelings of feeling ignored and exits Beca's dorm, ready for this Riff-Off tonight.

The Riff-Off is…an adventure, to say the least. Being cut off from a simple apostrophe is extremely disappointing to the say the least. But the real crazy thing that makes Chloe's night take a turn is when Beca runs out to interrupt the serenading Jesse, ew, and starts rapping No Diggity. Not only is it the hottest thing ever, but it was one of Chloe's first lady jams. And hearing Beca rap the song is enough to make her jaw drop. After the scolding by Aubrey for losing, she dismisses the group to go join the after party that remains going in the pool.

Chloe approaches Aubrey who is rubbing her temples, and she grabs her elbow, "It's okay, we only lost on bias judging. Don't take it out on the girls, we did amazing, focus on that."

"Shut it, Chloe." Aubrey snaps and Chloe flinches.

"I'm sorry, but what we did was different and actually really _good_," Chloe tries to enthuse.

"Oh, you are just saying that because Beca was different and she wants things to be different," the blonde yells.

"You know that's not it," the defeated redhead says.

"You need to remember we know more than this alternative girl-"

"Is there a problem here?" Beca appears at Chloe's side and Chloe feels a subtle hand on her lower back.

"This is captain business, so you aren't needed here, and Chloe and I already chose. So leave now," Aubrey snaps.

"Oh really, because from hearing your very loud conversation you only agree with you and you aren't listening to Chloe," Beca says rather defiantly as per usual.

"Eavesdropping is rude, you felon."

"Someone is grasping at straws for an insult. And maybe if you bothered listening to Chloe you wouldn't be puking on the Bellas chances of actually getting somewhere in these competitions," Beca growls. "You should get a drink Aubrey, you're real bitchy when you're sober. Let's go, Chloe."

Chloe, in complete shock, feels Beca's hand on her wrist and she follows weakly. Beca leads the pair to a secluded corner of the pool with a cooler for drinks. She pulls two beers and hands one to the ginger. The upset ginger feels the freshman's burning touch on her bicep.

"Are you okay?" The brunette asks in such a concerned voice.

"Yeah, I'm just sick of her belittling me." Chloe sniffles.

Beca reaches out and wraps her arms above the ginger's shoulders. Chloe is quick to reciprocate the touch and feels her crumbling emotions piece back together with the freshman's comforting touch.

"Wow, the roles are so reversed right now," Beca sarcastically mumbles.

Chloe pulls back and shoves the younger girl's shoulder jokingly, "Shut up," she wipes at her sniffling nose. "Thank you."

"Of course," Beca bumps her shoulder. "Now let's have some fun."

"Don't have too much fun, I'm going to make sure Aubrey is okay enough for the Bellas to still have our sleepover after this."

Beca gives her a pointed look, "Stand your ground."

Chloe salutes, "Will do, captain."

With a giant smile, the ginger departs with the beer in hand and approaches Aubrey who is drinking vehemently. She tries to wipe off her content smile that Beca put on her face as she approaches her angry co-captain.

"Bree," she says cautiously, "are we still okay for a sleepover tonight?"

"Sure, as long as there is alcohol. You know, so I'm not a bitch." Aubrey sarcastically bites.

"Fine, I'll round the Bellas up in an hour," Chloe says and walks away.

She walks towards the center of the pool of the drunk and grinding students. She tries to seek Beca out, maybe she can convince her to dance with her. The hopeful ginger walks alone and nearly spills her beer when Fat Amy bumps into her while spraying champagne, God knows where she got that, all over the dancers. Chloe laughs as she is spritzed lightly and looks around for the girl she is falling for. Her smile drops when she spots the short brunette leaning against the wall, laughing, and Jesse stands by her, an arm against the wall so he is leaning closely to her. She's happy, with him. Chloe's insides crash, maybe Beca has been giving her the wrong signals, she did say awhile back that she didn't even like girls. Now Chloe feels like a crushed idiot.

Chloe knocks her beer back and quickly bumps past the crowd to get another. She needs to drink and drink a lot soon. She can't handle this. Why is she so damn attached to people easily? Too damn emotional, Chloe thinks to herself as she starts jumping on the dance floor with her third beer in her hand. Her eyes burn into the back of Jesse's head. She grunts and swallows the rest of her beer. She approaches the pair, mainly to get to the keg. She passes them, while trying her best to not look at them.

"Hey Chloe," Beca's voice is too happy in Chloe's jealous and drunk mind.

"Oh, hey," she tries to be happy but it is forced.

"What's up?" Jesse nods.

"Getting beer, so if you two will excuse me." She sounds too harsh. She scolds herself, don't look stupid for getting jealous over a straight girl. The ginger forces a smile, "Cause this ginger needs her jiggle juice," she shakes her ass and walks away.

The senior feels the duo staring at her, but she ignores it and fills her cup, downs it, and fills it again. She feels a hand on her shoulder, "Hey don't take all the beer."

Chloe turns to see a smiling Tom, hell this night is too much. The ginger is infuriated and she isn't usually angry and she can't handle this cheating scumbag right now. "Nope, don't talk to me."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, baby," he voices.

"No you aren't, you are a cheating scumbag, and cheating scumbags don't change," Chloe rambles.

"Just give me one more chance," he lightly grabs her wrist.

"Get off me," Chloe growls and in her drunk mindset feels tears of anger come to her eyes.

"Do we have a problem here, asshole?" The sexy and angered voice of the one and only Beca Mitchell interrupts.

"Oh, shower girl. No this is between Chloe and me," Tom says.

"She told you to get off, now leave!" Beca yells.

"Fine, you don't need to be a bitch about it," he mumbles.

"Excuse me?" Beca yells.

"Don't call my Beca a bitch," Chloe slurs and throws her drink at the built boy.

"Ugh!" Tom groans as he wipes at his beer soaked face and walks away.

Beca turns to Chloe and wipes a few tears off of the senior's cheeks. Chloe nearly melts. "Are you okay, Chlo?" Beca coos.

Chloe nods, "I just need to go dance and get my mind off of this."

"Mind if I join you?" Beca gives Chloe that damn smirk that makes her smile and her heart speed to an immense pace.

The drunk senior can't stop her damn smiling and leans forward to kiss Beca's cheek,  
"Come on. Only if you can keep up though."

Chloe feels so conflicted of jealousy over Beca and Jesse, sadness from Tom, and complete joy from Beca holding her hand and leading her to the dance floor. The brunette drops Chloe's hand once they reach their designated spot, and Chloe starts swaying her hips and dancing to the beat. The brunette looks awkward and weirdly sways, Chloe sees her opportunity.

She leans forward, "Do you not know what to do?" Chloe breathes heavily in Beca's ear. She can see Beca stiffen at Chloe's breath on her neck and smiles in victory to herself.

"Not quite, I'm not a big dancer." Beca speaks over the loud music.

"Let me help you," Chloe whispers and when she sees Beca nod, the ginger leans forward and kisses her cheek.

Chloe backs up and levels her eye contact with the slightly drunk Beca. Chloe reaches forward and wiggles her fingers, when Beca grabs her hands, Chloe yanks her forward and turns the brunette's back to her. The older girl places her hands on the younger girl's delicious hips and pulls her close. She leads her in the grinding motions and eats it up. Beca eventually lets loose by the third song and gets into the swing of things and Chloe soaks in every moment of her dancing with Beca.

In the midst of a song, Chloe feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks over to see Stacie and she almost wants to get angry for the girl stopping her dancing with Beca. "It's time to go back," Stacie says.

Chloe groans and steps away from Beca, who turns around, red faced. She blushes when she notices Stacie, "Oh."

"Time to go back," Stacie repeats and turns to lead the girls.

Chloe wraps her arm around Beca's waist when she sees the young girl wave to Jesse. She is a possessive drunk, sue her. "You're a good dancer," she whispers to Beca when they leave the pool.

Beca blushes, "You are too."

The pair trail behind the Bellas as a sober Jessica and Stacie lead the girls back to the apartment. Chloe eventually turns the situation so she is holding Beca's hand as she somewhat stumbles. Upon reaching the apartment, Fat Amy pulls out liquor and smiles.

"Bitches, it's only midnight. Let's crush this Bellas style!" Fat Amy yells as she cranks up a sound system in Chloe's apartment.

"We will get sound complaints!" Aubrey yells and turns off the stereo.

Fat Amy boos, "What should we do then?"

"I have so many drinking games for us to play," Stacie smiles. "First, Dirty Pint. Everyone pours some of their differing drinks into one cup. The most sober person picks a number, whoever is closest has to drink the whole thing."

Everyone obliges and dumps an assortment of liquor into a red cup. Beca manages to pick Stacie's number spot on and has to down the potent glass. And upon Beca finishing the glass, it causes the domino effect of this night to truly begin. Beca the Cuddle Monster comes out as she practically sits on Chloe's lap as they begin to play Paranoia.

"Okay, it's simple. Someone whispers a question to someone, in which the answer has to be someone playing the game. You respond the name out loud, and if you want to know what the question was, you drink." Stacie begins and leans over to Beca and whispers something.

"Chloe," the drunk girl yells and giggles and burrows her face into Chloe's neck.

"What was the question?" Chloe asks after throwing a shot back.

"Who is the hottest person in the room?" Stacie says.

"I'm the hottest?" Chloe whispers to Beca as she blushes and feels her stomach lurch.

Beca nods and whispers, "Who would you kiss in this room?"

Chloe's palms sweat and she honestly answers, "Beca." Thankfully, nobody asks because they all assume that Beca just repeated the same question. And that is the catalyst to Beca becoming something new.

The whole group simply becomes hammered from the curiosity from this game and within the next two hours, Chloe leads the stumbling Beca to her double bed. Mainly because Beca keeps insisting that they are cuddle buddies so they need to share the bed and cuddle. And it's not like Chloe objects one bit.

She slips out of her jeans and jacket, and into an old t-shirt and running shorts. Chloe turns around and throws similar apparel at Beca who is staring heavily at Chloe and blushing.

"Come on, change." Chloe says to the motionless girl as she flops on the bed. "What?" Chloe sits up to smooth out the crease in Beca's furrowed brow.

"I'm just realizing how great you are," she slurs. She gets up to leave for the bathroom.

Chloe slumps back in her bed and runs her hands through her hair, confused. She throws her hair into a bun and stressfully replays tonight's events. Beca has nearly given her whiplash and Chloe can't help how much she feels right now. When Beca emerges from the bathroom and holding her arms to her body, an insecurity still showing through her drunk stupor, Chloe's breath is taken away from her beauty. She has never felt someone tug at her heart like this before and she smiles when her eyes meet the brunette's stormy orbs.

Beca lies next to the senior who can barely control her breathing as the moonlight floods into the dark room. The tiny brunette cuddles into Chloe's side and the senior smiles. She plays with Beca's fingers and eventually turns her hand to look at her forearms. She needs to make sure she is okay.

"When did this happen?" Chloe can hear the tears in her voice as she spots a recent cut.

"Yesterday," Beca mumbles.

Chloe squeezes Beca close and kisses her wrist. Her tears drip onto Beca's arm and she kisses them away and pulls back to look at Beca's closed eyes as she smiles, sadly.

"Do that again," Beca whispers, softly.

Chloe leans forward and kisses her cut again and smiles as she pulls away to look at the beautiful freshman.

Beca shakes her head slowly, "No, not there."

Chloe's fingers tingle as Beca grabs onto her hands. Chloe looks into Beca's eyes, "Where?"

Beca stares deeply into the senior's eyes. She lowers her gaze to Chloe's lips and bites her own. Chloe feels butterflies in her stomach and her feet tingle. She feels such a strong warmth radiate in her body as Beca looks up from her lips and back to her eyes. Beca slowly grabs Chloe's hand and leads it and presses the senior's index finger on the soft lips.

"Do it right here," she whispers.

Chloe can't say no to Beca. And she wants to ask if she's sure, but when Beca moves her hand to grip Chloe's jaw and she nods, Chloe knows she wants this as much as her. Even though they are drunk. The ginger nervously moves toward Beca as her eyes fall closed. Her lips connect to soft yet firm ones.

It's barely a ghosting touch, and Chloe feels everything. It is electric. She readjusts and layers her lips over the younger girl's lower lip and her spine tingles. The ginger holds the freshman's cheeks in both her hands as she kisses her harder. It is simply the best thing she has ever felt. Chloe feels the younger girl's hands grip at her back tightly as Chloe lightly traces her tongue over the girl's lip. She sees cliché fireworks behind her eyes as it feels as if a fire has set in her body when her and Beca's tongue fight for dominance.

Chloe has never felt more alive as she is yanked on top of the young girl. She pulls away from the girl with a tug on her lip and she smiles at the girl whose eyes are closed. She puts her scorching lips on the brunette's neck and trails kisses there and can't help but leave a mark, especially when Beca drags her nails lightly down Chloe's back. Chloe groans and reattaches their lips in loving touches as she feels so much warmth and almost love as Beca kisses her like it is the last time she ever will. Chloe pulls away and makes eye contact with the drunkenly smiling Beca and she can't help but smile too and feel her insides tingle.

"Hold me?" Beca asks.

Chloe obliges and climbs off the girl and turns Beca's back to her so she spoons her. The room is silent as Chloe calms down, she is warm and content. The smile won't leave her face as she squeezes Beca to her closely.

"I'm drunk, but I mean it. I mean everything," Beca whispers.

"You mean everything to me," Chloe whispers and leans forward and kisses Beca's exposed shoulder tattoo. She lays her head back on her pillow and drifts off to sleep with a smile on her face.

**A/N: Lots of progress, huh? :) Tell me what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7

Beca awakens to a loud banging sound. Her head instantly starts pounding as a hangover washes over her brain like a tsunami. The brunette can't grip her mind on anything except the raging headache as she braces herself to open her eyes. Upon opening her eyes, her headache is overtaken with panic. Chloe is sleeping next to Beca and is cuddling into the freshman's side, and upon feeling the sleeping ginger burrow her face into Beca's neck, she remembers everything from last night.

Full-fledged panic.

Beca gasps and it feels like she is trying to breathe through a straw. What the hell? She fucking kissed Chloe last night, after asking the girl to kiss her! What was Beca doing? Beca is so panicked and angry with herself she can already feel the tears soaking down to her neck. And she needs to get the hell out of this room right now, she needs to be as far away from Chloe as possible. Because Beca fears if she stays that her mind will wander to how amazing last night was, and not stay focused on how morally wrong it was.

So Beca does what she's best at, she runs away. She doesn't make it far. In a blur of tears, she manages to make it to the kitchen in the apartment where Aubrey is cooking, and she hears the girl sounding worried and quizzing her. Beca can't handle it, and as she thinks of how wrongful she was last night she pulls an Aubrey and vomits all over the kitchen floor. And then she's crumbled on the floor in a tiny ball, crying. And her mind is echoing with much of a damn abomination she is.

She hears Aubrey's panicked voice, she can't respond. She is swirling in a world of tears and regret and she's the last fucking thing from okay. Beca feels arms wrap around her and pick her up and carry her to a destination. She can feel a hand running up and down her back until the crying stops, until Beca is so mentally exhausted she can't cry anymore. She is just numb.

Beca looks through blurred eyes and sees the blonde hair of Aubrey as they sit near a toilet.

"Are you okay?" the captain asks, actually showing empathy for once.

"I'm the last thing from okay," Beca's voice scratches out.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Aubrey asks.

Beca shakes her head.

"Okay, well take a shower and brush your teeth. I'm going to go clean up your puke," Aubrey comfortingly says.

When the blonde is almost out the door, Beca speaks, "Hey Aubrey, thanks and I'm sorry for last night."

"I don't regret my ideas with the Bellas, but I was being cruel to my best friend and you defended her from me, so thank you. You are good for her," Aubrey smiles and closes the door. After Aubrey closes the door upon mentioning the ginger, Beca leans over and pukes in the toilet.

* * *

Beca emerges from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body and a towel wrapped on her head around her wet hair. She is so numb and upset with herself over Chloe that all she can feel is the pain of her hangover. And the bright light in Aubrey's connected room to the bathroom doesn't help, so she goes to Aubrey's collection of sunglasses on her dresser and she grabs a pair of aviators and throws them on. Beca emerges from Aubrey's room and sees all the Bellas up and eating breakfast in the living room. They all chime the word hey, and then start laughing hysterically at Beca's humorous appearance. Even Stacie and Fat Amy pull out their phones and take multiple pictures of the posing and hungover freshman.

"Aca-scuse me? Are you wearing my sunglasses?" Aubrey asks.

"Oh shut up, they're your only non-designer pair, you're fine," Beca responds.

"She is really hungover, Aubrey give her a break," Fat Amy chimes.

"Yeah, we got DJ Lil B drunk off her ass yesterday," Cynthia Rose chimes in.

"Very funny guys, let's get the tiniest one drunk and see how they are the next morning. Ha!" Beca sarcastically drawls and looks over the whole group. Her eyes meet Chloe's, and the freshman is thankful the sunglasses hide her eyes. Chloe is smiling hopefully at Beca, she remembers last night and she looks like she is ready to jump up and hug the brunette. And Beca knows in that moment that she needs to run, like she always does. So she stares into cerulean eyes and says, "God, what even happened last night? You guys got me so hammered I don't remember anything after the Riff-Off!"

Beca tries to ignore the pang in her chest when Chloe's face drops to complete sadness. And the rest of the girls laugh and try to recount Beca's actions last night. She ends up leaving back to Chloe's room to change into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt she brought along.

Beca joins the girls for breakfast upon getting dressed, yet still keeps the sunglasses over her eyes. She sits next to Fat Amy and tries to smile along with the group and keep up with the conversation aimed at her, despite her feelings.

"So is this your first hangover? You're using my sunglasses like they're a lifeline," Aubrey directs at Beca.

"Did you lose your hangover virginity?!" Stacie exclaims excitedly.

Beca rolls her eyes, "Possibly, I wasn't a big drinker in high school."

Beca sighs from the girls' laughter and feels a finger poke at her neck, "It doesn't seem like the only virginity the midget lost last night," Fat Amy chimes and flicks at Beca's neck.

"Beca Mitchell! It better have not been a Treble!" Aubrey exclaims.

"Beca Mitchell, you dog!" Fat Amy exclaims.

"This can't be," Beca mumbles mainly to herself and the girls hear. She gets up and runs towards the nearest mirror and realizes that there is, indeed, a hickey on her neck.

"So who was it?" Stacie leans towards the girl in question as she sits back down.

"Oh," Beca tries to hide behind humor and the large bite of bacon in her mouth. She looks at Chloe who is just staring at her with no expression. "His name is None of Your Fricking Business."

"It is our business, was it a Treble?" Aubrey squeaks.

"No, I didn't have sex with anyone last night!" Beca shrieks and can feel her cheeks turn and resemble something of a tomato. Well at least that fact is true.

"Okay, then who attacked your neck last night?" Stacie asks.

"Incident with the curling iron then?" Beca's head snaps over to Chloe as she speaks the first words Beca has heard all day. To the rest of the girls Chloe probably sounds normal, but Beca can sense a bit of a condescending and bitter tone.

"Yeah, that." Beca asserts.

"Okay, well as much as I like talking about Beca's sex life," Aubrey drawls sarcastically, "It is time for us to head to the gym for rehearsal."

Fat Amy groans and stops when Aubrey shoots her a look. Beca trails the group of girls as her head pounds from pain and the memories of last night. She hides behind her sunglasses as the group strolls and she remembers Chloe's lips on hers. The memory makes her lips tingle and her cheeks tinge pink. She catches herself almost smiling and then she is very peeved at herself and scolds herself. She feels a hand on her back while in the midst of her thoughts and she looks up into the glowing blue eyes of Chloe Beale with a hopeful smile, and in that action her mind spins and Beca vomits for the third time this morning. Yet this time, it is all over Chloe.

"Ah shit! Why didn't I get that on video?" Fat Amy yells as the whole group turns to look as Chloe wipes Beca's vomit off herself in disgust. "It could have been a Youtube hit titled 'Almost Midget pukes on a Ginger!'"

"Ah!" Stacie yells and puts her rape whistle in her mouth, which turns to a mess of Aubrey wrestling the girl so she doesn't blow the whistle.

"Isn't Aubrey the one who is supposed to puke all the time on this team?" Fat Amy asks.

"Shut up, I'm sick and hungover and I feel like shit." Beca wipes at her mouth and winces.

"Aubrey, can Beca and I be excused for the day? For puking purposes," Chloe asks.

"I mean, you would understand," Beca adds.

"Ugh, fine, go on," Aubrey yells.

Ultimately, this leaves Beca alone with the girl she has been avoiding, and walking back to Beca's dorm. It is an awkward and suffocating silence. And it literally makes Beca feel sick, and she has to fight the urge of vomiting again. Upon returning to Baker Hall, the pair silently go to communal bathrooms after grabbing Beca's bathroom gear.

"I'm sorry," Beca breaks the silence, and Chloe looks up hopefully at her, "for ya know, puking on you."

Chloe's smile falters, "I'm strangely used to it, thanks to Aubrey."

Chloe then starts unzipping her sweatshirt and stripping to get into the shower. Beca quickly turns away so she isn't staring. The brunette faces the sinks away from Chloe and brushes her teeth. Upon finishing, she mumbles to the showering ginger that she is returning to her dorm.

Beca plops onto her twin bed and stifles a sob. She's such an idiot, and she hates herself for kissing Chloe, and she hates herself for how much she loved kissing Chloe. What's the purpose of this life if I'm an unaccepted abomination, Beca thinks to herself. Through her closed eyes, she can hear her door creak open and she cracks her eyes open to see Chloe standing in Beca's room in only a towel. She suddenly feels her mouth go dry, and all her guilt over this girl is pushed in the back of her mind as she stares at the perfection of the ginger.

Chloe clears her throat, knowing Beca is staring, "Can I borrow some clothes?"

"Uh, yeah," Beca fumbles out of bed and into her closet to grab simple clothes for the girl. Beca slips Aubrey's sunglasses off and throws them on her desk. "So," she drawls awkwardly, "I'm sorry for puking on you again."

"It's okay," Chloe smiles, but Beca can tell it is forced. Beca can see the shining sadness in Chloe's eyes that makes her stomach twist.

Beca sits back down on her bed and holds her aching head. She can feel the slight dip in the mattress as Chloe sits by her. Besides from the raging sadness and guilt, Beca is in pain. She feels the slight burning touch of Chloe's hand on her shoulder.

"Is this okay?" the ginger tentatively asks.

Beca nods. She's just fucking terrified about every emotion she feels.

"Good, why don't we lay down and watch some Grey's Anatomy?" Chloe voices.

Beca doesn't really want to argue. So she doesn't. She is simply emotionally exhausted and lays back into Chloe as they boot up the laptop for Grey's Anatomy. Chloe is quick to cuddle the girl. And Beca feels the internal battle of feeling protected from being held, but scared of her emotions. Chloe intertwines their fingers and squeezes Beca's hand tightly as the first episode starts.

"Do you really not remember last night?" Chloe asks in such a timid voice that Beca almost doesn't recognize it.

"Uh," Beca tries to lie, but she looks straight into cerulean eyes that stare into her soul. And she can tell in the moment that their eyes lock, that Chloe knows Beca remembers.

"You do remember," Chloe states. "Why did you lie?"

Beca suddenly feels smothered and too suffocated. She needs to get away. So she pauses the episode and climbs out of the bed to distance herself from the ginger. Chloe follows her lead and climbs out of the bed and faces Beca from across the room. With an irritated look and crossed arms.

"Are you going to answer me?" Chloe asks.

"You know why I lied," Beca mumbles. "It was a mistake," she lies.

And the complete sight of Chloe Beale's face dropping makes Beca's heart wrench. And the fact that she knows that she put that saddening look there is like pouring salt in the wound. She's hurting this girl she cares for, but it's because she cares for her too much and she is so scared. So scared and she just can't do it.

"You don't mean that," Chloe whispers.

Beca shrugs.

"So then why did you have me do it? Why did you ask me to kiss you?" Chloe whispers.

"I was drunk," Beca can hear the tears edging in her own voice.

"But-but you told me you meant everything…even though you were drunk," Chloe stutters and Beca can see her emotions crumbling.

"I don't know what to tell you, other than that I was drunk. Therefore, it meant nothing," Beca manages to twist the knife more.

"Drunk words are sober thoughts," the ginger says the popular phrase to herself and Beca. "This isn't fair."

"I'm sorry," the freshman prepares herself to lie completely as she levels her gaze with Chloe, "if I led you on."

"Beca, stop lying to me. I can read you like a book," Chloe says.

"I'm not lying," Beca lies.

"It's simple, just tell me if you aren't interested and I'm done, we can be friends."

Beca opens her mouth, but the lie won't come out.

"That's what I thought," Chloe says.

"I can't do this. We are better off friends," the brunette tries to grasp at leverage. Although she feels herself crumbling.

Chloe sighs, "Why not? Why can't you do it?"

"I'm too afraid. So let me be a coward, you don't deserve this. You deserve better than this, I'm afraid. I _can't_ like a girl and actually realizing that I like you is terrifying. So please, can we just be friends?" Beca rambles.

"I wish I could say no to you, although I don't know how. I want more, but if you can't I understand, I can help you through it," Chloe says while striding forward to hug the brunette.

Beca shies away from the touch, this is going too well. "You don't need to help me through it, there's nothing to go through. It was just a little fling to a minor crush. It meant nothing."

Chloe bites her lip, and in that moment Beca knows she fucked up too much. The ginger nods vehemently to herself to contain her sadness. "Fine, it meant nothing. I just need time away from you. We can be friends, but wow this hurts right now. I care too much and it is hurting me. I need to be selfish, please just leave me alone."

Chloe is crying by the end of her speech and she runs out of Beca's dorm. Beca feels herself crumble even more at losing Chloe. She stares at the white door and realizes how much she's hurt Chloe and herself, all because she is scared. Beca's conflicting emotions crash in on herself and she feels tears slide down her cheeks.

**A/N: Sorry for the late update and bad chapter. Tell me what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

** A/N: Trigger Warning: Mention of self-harm.**

Beca's life becomes a blur of making mixes and actually studying for finals. She can never sleep anymore, so when she's not in class, work, or at Bellas stuff, she studies and makes mixes. Plus she drinks lots of coffee. She keeps herself busy on purpose, so her mind doesn't have time to wander to a certain redhead.

It's really hard though. For seeming so strong to other people, she is dying inside. Especially at Bellas rehearsals when Chloe doesn't even look at Beca for a week. And there are times, when their eyes meet for a split second and it feels like her stomach is lurched from the sadness. She tries to just cut the pains of the whole Chloe ordeal away.

Beca manages to pull all A's and a B on her finals. It's the first sense of light happiness, because at this rate she will get her dad's blessing to go to LA. And it gets her a congratulatory Christmas gift of cash from her dad, which she will use to buy DJ equipment, obviously.

The Bellas had managed to pull a Christmas party before they all go their separate ways for break. It was a large ordeal of Amy knocking a large Christmas tree over and the stress causes Aubrey to puke all over the apartment. Beca stays behind that night to help clean up the vomit. She's trying to work on being a better person. She ends up being left behind with Chloe to clean up the whole mess while Stacie is tucking in a drunk Aubrey. It is an awkward silence filled with the scent of bleach. Beca is proud she manages to not cry in the whole awkward silence. It's a Godsend when Stacie comes back out and hugs both and leaves. Beca shortly follows after she is done cleaning.

"Have a merry Christmas, Chloe," Beca says before she leaves, and she can hear the emotion in her voice.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Chloe says, sincerely.

Within the next 24 hours, Beca finds herself back in her childhood room in Texas. She finds herself stuck in a rut on a mix, and she stares at the blank screen of her laptop screen that died about ten minutes ago. She feels the liquid forming on her eyelids as her thoughts of the ginger start to bubble up fully for the first time in a month. She hurt Chloe, she really hurt her. And now Beca herself is hurting. She cries herself to sleep with her phone in her hand that she repeatedly typed texts out to Chloe, but then erased them before sending it.

Beca rolls out of bed the next morning and slouches down to the kitchen of her mother's house. She sees the woman in her pantsuit with her back to her, pouring a large cup of coffee. Beca sits herself on the counter and waits for the sassy and tiny blonde to turn around.

"Good morning, Beca." Her mom says without turning around.

"Hey," she mumbles as her mother turns around.

Her mother groans, "Did you even wash your makeup off last night?"

"No."

Her mom rolls her green eyes and sighs, "What are your plans for the day?"

"Netflix," Beca mumbles.

"Great, just great," she tersely says.

"Give me a break, I just had finals," Beca snaps.

"I have work to go to, I will see you later," she kisses Beca's forehead and walks out of the large house.

Beca and her mother have never been particularly close. Beca knows that she was an accident baby that caused her parents to get married. And she knows her mom blames her for the divorce. It's a lot that has always weighed on Beca's mind of feeling worthless. It is one of the many bricks to the walls she has built around herself and never let anyone in. Until Chloe, who managed to break a chip in the armor of the wall, and then Beca managed to fuck both of them over.

Tears stream down her cheeks, and she strides across the kitchen to grab a knife out of the drawer. She makes a quick and stealthy cut on her arm. And then she does another one, right by the veins on her wrist. She washes the blood down the drain as she cleans the knife. She returns back to her room and cries until she falls asleep.

Beca wakes up in her pitch black room, she checks the time on her phone and sees that it is three in the morning. She slept all day and almost all of the night, she's even more of a piece of shit. Beca plugs her laptop in and continues onto her plan earlier that day and turns Netflix on. She finds herself crying into her palm as she watches half a season of Grey's Anatomy, while thinking of Chloe, of course. Then the sun rises, and she goes to take a shower and brush her teeth.

Beca goes downstairs to see that her mother has already left for work. So much for spending time together. The brunette spends a lot of time lying on the living room floor. She stares at the ceiling and thinks of Chloe. She misses her. Her heart aches and she thinks of her lips on Chloe's. The feeling of being held close like nothing else in the world matters makes her heart warm nostalgically. She sits up in realization, she wants it. She wants to be with Chloe, she knows now. She truly wants her, she wants to hug her, kiss her, hold her hand, and she wants to be with her. And the idea of no acceptance by her uncaring parents seems minuscule in her mind right now. She pulls out her phone and sends a text to the ginger.

**Beca: I miss you.**

Beca knows it will mean a lot to the ginger. When Beca doesn't get a response right away, she gets nervous. So she pulls out her Bible and looks up verses of God's love instead God's hate that her parents preach to her about. She finds herself smiling though her tears on a particular verse when her phone vibrates and the front door opens. Beca quickly runs to the bathroom, with her phone, to wipe away at her tears so her mom doesn't notice. She pulls out her phone and reads a text from Chloe whilst walking in the living room towards her mom.

**Chloe: I miss you too. Can you call me later? I'm at a family Christmas party rn, so I'm sorry for the delayed response. But yes, God Becs, I miss you. Let's talk later. Xx**

Beca smiles widely.

**Beca: Of course, I'll call ya in a bit.**

Beca sits next to her mom on the couch as the Polar Express plays in the background. Her mom looks solemn yet a little peeved. Beca rolls her eyes, "Yes mom, what's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, I just have to un-invite the neighbors to our Christmas Eve party tomorrow," her mom sighs.

"And why is that?" Beca sighs.

"Well," her mother with her judgmental southern accent begins, "I just found out at work today that their son is a _gay_." She spits the word out like venom, "And they accepted him. How could anyone love their child after that act of abomination? He is just going to Hell anyways."

Beca stiffens and she feels the inevitable tears forming. And instant second thoughts of contacting Chloe rush to her mind. "Oh," Beca whispers.

"Ugh, I'm going to go un-invite them now." Her mother looks at her, "You go get some sleep now, we have some volunteering in the morning, church after, and the big party!"

"Goodnight mom," Beca mumbles and rushes up the stairs and her whole world is in a blur.

She sways throughout her room as she begins bawling. Her mother will never accept her, and her mother reiterated the fact that God will never accept her either. And how can she come to grasp with that. She screams into her pillow in frustration at how much she hates herself. Beca plows her fist through the wall and screams out loud. _I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. _Hot tears run down to her neck as she wallows. She can't accept herself, not with the fact that her god won't either. She hates that she has no choice on what she feels. She is an abomination in her mom's eyes and she just cries because of it.

Her phone starts vibrating, and that is when she realizes that Chloe said to call her. She looks at the caller ID and sees Chloe is calling. Her thumb slides across the screen and she presses the phone to cheek that is sticky with tears.

"I know I told you to call me, but I just went and got fresh air and figured now would be a good time to call!" Chloe chirps.

"Chlo," Beca's voice cracks and she can hear the tears in her voice.

"Becs? What's wrong?" Chloe's voice is instant with concern and it makes Beca wince even more.

"I'm sorry," Beca whispers. "I can't."

There is silence on the other line for a good minute. And the only noise on the phone is Beca shuttering with tears violently.

"You're doing it again?" Chloe asks and she sounds so small. "You lead me on to believe we could…be together, and then you just leave me. I don't mean to sound selfish. I am sorry. It just hurts."

"It hurts just as much on this end. My mom, she said she would never love her child if they were gay. I would be an abomination in her eyes. Or a half abomination, because I think I'm bisexual. Wow, I just said that out loud. But I can't be." Beca starts crying harder. "So I'm sorry, I can't, because I can't lose my parents or God."

She hears Chloe sniffle and she knows she is crying too.

"Do you really think God wouldn't love you for loving a girl, Becs?" Chloe winces.

"I think so," Beca bawls.

"I don't believe that. I can't, and I don't want you to either. So even if you don't want there to be an _us_, we can still be friends. I need to be here for you. Okay?" Chloe says.

"Thank you," Beca whispers.

The two talk on the phone all night. It's weird and full of tears on both ends. They agree to be friends, Beca won't have it any more and Chloe won't have it any less. Chloe falls asleep on the phone when the sun starts to rise outside Beca's window. Beca smiles and hangs up the phone and takes a quick nap before her mom wakes her up so they can go volunteer and go to church. She prays for forgiveness while in the church.

The party is a mess. Beca sits uncomfortably on the couch while her mom's drunk co-workers laugh and play Dirty Rotten Santa. Beca escapes from it all to her room when it is around midnight. She gets a text from Chloe at 12:01.

**Chloe: Merry Christmas!**

Beca says the same thing back and goes to bed. Beca and her mom respectively trade presents the next morning. Beca gets a new laptop and she thanks her mom. She gives her mom an iPad and her mom politely thanks her. That's it for the awkward conversation between the two. They then spend the day with all the family. They watch Christmas movies and talk trash about the new gay neighbor. It makes Beca feel shitty, but she's texting Chloe the whole time, and she makes it better.

Beca flies home the next day. She holes herself in her dorm and makes new mixes on her laptop. She finds herself texting Chloe the whole time. She is happy that their friendship is at least back. Chloe flies in on the 30th. Beca goes to pick her up from the airport, and seeing Chloe in person feels like the first time in months. Chloe gives her a tight hug that ends in Chloe running her hands up and down her back, which makes Beca feel weird and question her decision of just being friends.

The Bellas and mainly Chloe convince Beca to go out for New Year's Eve at a house party on campus. Beca doesn't want to, because she claims it will be full of drunk people trying to get laid. But here she is, standing off to the side of the impromptu dance floor with drunk students grinding on it.

"Time for the huntees to get hunted," Stacie says while gesturing to her crotch and stalking away.

"Alrighty, she works fast! Ladies, reminder: don't take drinks from people. I don't want anyone getting drugged! Stay safe," Aubrey reminds and walks away, while following Stacie's direction.

All the Bellas head off in separate directions, except for Beca and Chloe. Chloe has a hand on Beca's arm as the music beats through the whole house.

"Do you want to dance?" Chloe asks.

"No," Beca shakes her head. "I have to be drunk for that. And we both know how that will end."

An overhanging silence sits on the pair, and Chloe shrugs and leads Beca by the hand to the deck outside. They sit in the chairs in the fresh air with beers in hand. Chloe's eyes dart around through the clear doors to observe who is in the kitchen.

"Who are you looking for, Beale? Trying to find who you want your New Year's Kiss to be?" Beca jokes.

Chloe shakes her head, "No, I wouldn't have to look. If I were to have a New Year's kiss, it would be yo-"

Chloe stops midsentence, but she fairly gets the message across. Beca looks into those damn cerulean eyes, and she can feel the panic in her own. Her stomach squeezes when Chloe says those words. And a heavy sadness sits in her mind.

"I'm sorry," Chloe whispers.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," Beca mumbles.

The ginger's facial expression lightens as she spots something in the house, "I see Tom! I'm going to go say hi!"

Before Beca realizes what she's doing, she grabs Chloe's wrist and turns her around so she is facing Beca. A bit too close, she can feel Chloe's breath on her lips and she cringes in sadness from wanting to lean forward.

"Tom? Tom as in the piece of shit who cheated on you?" Beca nearly growls.

"Yes that is him. But he is just my friend now," the forgiving senior smiles.

"Why?"

"He helped me through a lot after what happened to us…before Christmas. I was a mess, and he helped me from not jumping off the deep end," the senior whispers.

"Oh," Beca breathes and lets go of Chloe's wrist. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Chloe leans forward and hugs Beca. Beca finds herself sinking into the comfort of her touch. "And besides, I don't want anything with Tom more than friendship. I don't want anything with anyone right now…except for you." Beca's breath catches and she tenses. Chloe squeezes her whilst they remain in the hug, "Even though I can't have you."

Chloe pulls back and places a quick peck on Beca's cheek, "I will see you later, Becs!"

The girl skips inside and the brunette watches her retreating form. She feels the jealously of Chloe with Tom. She just doesn't want the girl to be hurt. Because she cares about her. Because she's her friend, and that's it.

* * *

Beca is seething as she sits on the couch and watches (in a not so stalkery way) as Chloe dances with Tom in a not so appropriate way. Beca's stomach churns and she angrily tries to glare a whole into the side of Tom's head. She hates him, and she hates herself for feeling like this about Chloe. She stands, very irritated as the countdown begins and Tom hugs onto Chloe's side. Everyone starts screaming "Happy New Year" and her world stops when she sees Tom lean down to kiss Chloe.

* * *

She can feel her heart breaking, even though she wish it didn't.

** A/N: Andddd scene! Tell me what you think! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide attempt.**

Beca rolls over in her bed and groans. Her head is pounding from all the tears she shed last night. And her mind instantly remembers seeing Tom kiss Chloe and running home right when she saw it. It makes her stomach turn. She feels completely and utterly worthless. Even Chloe is over her, and it's really the final straw, because Chloe was Beca's last hope. And now here she is, sobbing into her pillow at six in the morning. She can't handle this life anymore. The brunette sobs and sobs until her body gives out and she falls asleep again.

She wakes up and feels the exact same. As if nothing can make the pain of this life subside. What's the purpose of living like this? Life is supposed to be happy. But it isn't. It's the last thing from it. Beca is a privileged child who still hates the life she has been given. She just wants to be gone. Her last hope is gone. Nobody needs her.

"I don't want to be alive anymore," Beca whispers to herself as she finds herself crawling across her floor. She grasps at the bottle of Motrin hidden by her razor blades for this occasion. She dry swallows three pills and rips her notebook off of her desk with a pen. Her left hand begins her messy scrawl as she swallows another pill. "Forgive me," she prays.

* * *

_I'm sorry._

* * *

"Why do you do this to me?" She screams up at her god, "You're supposed to love me! How is this my plan?"

* * *

_This is nobody's fault but my own. I'm worthless. And I can't handle this life anymore._

* * *

Three more pills.

* * *

_I just want to find a home. Maybe heaven is there. God forgive me._

* * *

Four more pills.

* * *

_I feel so alone, and that is nobody's fault but my own. But maybe I won't be so alone when I'm with God. Hopefully I don't end up in Hell._

* * *

Six pills.

* * *

_Suicide is the only option anymore. I have no more hope._

* * *

Five pills.

* * *

_I'm tired of living in the darkness. This depression is the end of me._

* * *

Four more pills.

* * *

_I don't love me. Nobody else does. How can I live when all I want is to be dead?_

* * *

Three pills.

* * *

_I just want to be able to _breathe _again. And living with this burden is suffocating. And I think I have run out of air._

* * *

Five pills.

* * *

_Whoever finds me, I'm sorry I am a piece of shit. But this is the only escape. Nothing will solve this. I need to be fucking gone._

* * *

Her tears drip on the paper as she swallows four more pills.

* * *

_I'm sorry. I love you mom and dad, even though if you knew the truth you could never love me. I love you Bellas, each and every one of you. Chloe you are my best friend and more, but I'm a coward. I'm so sorry._

* * *

Two more pills.

* * *

_I just need the pain to end. I'm so sorry, this is goodbye. Much love, Beca Mitchell._

* * *

She finishes the bottle. She can feel her stomach churn and her vision edging. "God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," Beca whispers with the piece of paper falling to her side. She suddenly hears the door open.

Beca's life is a blur. She hears a cry of a familiar voice. She just doesn't have the energy to figure out who it is. Beca feels her shoulders being shaken and hands shoved down her throat. She can feel herself throw up all over the carpet. She hears the voice scream something about 911 and making a frantic phone call. She can hear the ambulance now. And her eyes flutter shut.

* * *

Beca Mitchell cracks her eyes open to a blinding light. Sadly not to the lights of heaven, Beca thinks. No, she opens her eyes to the bright lights of a hospital room. She feels a hand holding hers tightly. She feels angry, she couldn't even accomplish a suicide. Beca sits up, surprised to see Stacie holding her hand and whimpering as she cries with her face on the sheets.

"Stacie?" Beca's voice cracks.

"Beca!" the tall brunette shrieks and hugs Beca and manages to not pull on all the tubes plugged into the short brunette.

"Were…we-were you the one who found me?" Beca whispers.

Stacie can only nod as she has heavy tears fall down her cheeks. Beca leans forward and hugs the brunette, in apology to her. Even though she is mad that she is what stopped her from dying.

"I walked in, b-because I saw you crying and leaving the party last night. So I wanted to bring you pan-pancakes to make you feel better. And you were on the ground, with an empty pill bottle and a n-note. A fucking note," Stacie cries heavily.

"I'm sorry," Beca whispers.

"I'm sorry. I could always be there if you needed me. I'm here now. I'm your friend. I can help," the tall brunette cries.

"So what happened exactly?" Beca asks.

"I made you puke, which apparently helped some. An ambulance brought you here and they pumped your stomach. But…I'm sorry, they have to keep you on 72 hour suicide watch," Stacie sobs.

"Fuck," Beca whispers.

"Becs, I'm sorry. I'm here, it isn't much, but I'm here. I'm here." Stacie starts sobbing again, "I'm always here, and I don't want you to not be here."

"Stacie," Beca whispers.

"You need to tell me, what's going on with you. Tell me everything so I can help you, please Beca," she pleads.

And in thanks for saving her life and in pity for seeing her so sad. Beca does. She tells her everything. From start to finish. And coincidentally when she finishes telling this great new friend everything, Chloe comes running into the room with violent tears as Aubrey tries restraining the girl by her waist.

"Beca!" She cries.

"I'll leave you two to it," Stacie says through tears. She leans forward and hugs Beca tightly, and parts with a kiss on the temple.

Chloe stands in shock as she stares at Beca, in her hospital gown and IV's sticking out of her body. Beca stares at the disheveled ginger. Her hair is a mess and she has eyeliner down to her chin. She still looks beautiful.

"Come here," Beca whispers weakly as she gestures to her bed.

Chloe slowly approaches Beca and lies down in the empty space on the hospital bed, lightly over the various IV's and tubes. She cuddles into Beca's side and Beca wraps her arms around her waist as Chloe sobs into the girl's neck.

"Why? Why did you do it, Becs? I was so scared I was going to lose you." She cries into her neck.

"Is that a real question?" Beca whispers.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't have been there. I just found out. But Beca I'm always there for you, you never need to feel the need to do this again. You are a wonderful human with a wonderful purpose and you cannot leave this earth yet," Chloe sits up and stares into Beca's teary eyes when she says this with such passion in her voice.

Beca feels a pull to lean forward, but she doesn't have the time to, because Chloe already is. All Chloe does is leave a slight kiss on the corner of Beca's mouth. It is enough for Beca to crumble at the amount of intimacy Chloe shows. She falls into Chloe and hugs her tightly as she cries softly.

They cry together without any words. It just a room full of emotion and the only noise is of their tears. It last for a while until Beca speaks again.

"Why did you kiss Tom?" Beca pulls back to ask.

"What are you talking about?" Chloe asks, genuinely confused.

"Last night," Beca says sternly. "I saw you two kiss"

Chloe's face drops, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"I was hoping you wouldn't see that," Chloe sits up. "I swear, he kissed me. And I pushed him off right when he did it. It felt wrong and dirty, and I did not reciprocate it one bit. I could never hurt you like that."

"Are you being for real?" Beca whispers.

"I could never lie to you," Chloe smiles.

Beca smiles back and she feels the weight lifted. Like some of the pain is gone. She feels like maybe some of this pain will be gone eventually. For the first time in forever, she feels hope. And when Chloe leans forward and presses a light peck to Beca's lips, more a mere ghosting of the lips, Beca questions if maybe she indeed did die and is now in heaven, because in that moment, it sure feels like it.

Beca is released three days later with a new set of antidepressants in hand. She holds onto Chloe's arm as she climbs into the back of Aubrey's car. Stacie smiles back from the passenger seat and squeezes Beca's knee. They take her back to Chloe and Aubrey's apartment where the rest of the Bellas wait. And the whole group gives her a large group hug, and she feels almost okay.

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, but hey a quick update, so hopefully that evens the two out. I am sorry for the short chapter, this subject is just a little touchy for me and a little hard to write. Hopefully it turned out okay. See ya soon with chapter 10!**


	10. Chapter 10

Beca's life becomes a long distracting cycle after her hospital stay. The Bellas become closer and spend most of their time together bonding and getting ready for regionals. If she isn't with the Bellas, she is with Chloe. They spend time together like best friends, but Chloe hasn't brought up the kiss in the hospital and hasn't done much but hug Beca. It leaves the girl very confused but kind of relieved from having to deal with the heavy morality questions hanging on her mind. And if Beca isn't with Chloe, then she is with Jesse. He is very nice and cute, Beca won't lie. He tried to kiss her a few weeks ago, and she thought about it, but got scared, because she doesn't know how she even feels about him.

Upon the end of the evening in the regionals fiasco, Beca finds herself handcuffed in the back of a cop car. She reflects on the night and how it so simply started. And now after her throwing her signature left hook over some man pushing at her friend Jesse, or whatever he is, a shattered window probably shattered her likelihood of ending up in LA. Beca tries to keep her rationality in her mind as she rubs the handcuffs against her wrists in anger at this fucked up situation.

Jail is cold. And almost damp. She sits on a bench across from a cross dresser and diagonal from most likely a cocaine dealer and Beca feels wimpy with all the earrings out of her body. A rather aggressive pal of the cocaine lady makes fun of Beca's apparel. And when Beca is about to engage in her first ever jail fight, the bars open and an officer tells her she has been bailed out.

Beca finds Jesse outside, and the idea of him bailing her out makes her stomach flutter slightly. Not in the way it usually does with Chloe though. She quickly wants to punch the boy when she pieces together that he called her dad. And the car ride with her dad driving and yelling at Beca about no more LA and the felon she basically is becoming and Beca screaming profanities at her father and Jesse silently in the backseat, it goes down for the record books as one of the most awkward car rides of her life.

She feels extremely upset walking up the stairs of Baker Hall. Upset doesn't begin to describe. She is drained of hope. No more LA, her dreams, now, crushed like the window she broke. Beca is surprised to say the least when she witnesses all the Bellas sitting in her dorm room waiting for her.

And when Chloe says, "Of course we waited up for you." She feels her stomach do a flip.

After Aubrey leaves, the rest of the Bellas slowly filter out with pats on the back to Beca and quick hugs. Until it leaves just Beca and Chloe in the room after Fat Amy leaves yelling that the night is still young enough to party Australian style. Whatever the hell that means. When the door closes, Beca feels Chloe's arms wrap around her in a tight hug. And Beca has never felt more at home. And then Beca just starts crying, for the first time since the suicide attempt.

"Beca, it's okay, I'm here," Chloe whispers while her hands rub up and down Beca's back and eventually rest right near the bottom of Beca's vertebral column.

"My dad," Beca sobs out.

She can't continue, and she knows Chloe doesn't understand the slightest. But the ginger still holds her tight and wipes away the tears. Beca feels her insides crumbling, honestly, she is cut off from future hope by her dad. He doesn't even care at all. And that ideal is enough to make her heart sink and the tears to flow.

Chloe just leads Beca to the edge of her bed and they sit there while Beca cries into Chloe's neck and grips fistfuls of that blue sweater in her hands. And Chloe just holds her and pets the girl's hair down and whispers encouraging words to the younger girl. Chloe is patient and waits until Beca's crying slows. She doesn't ask until Beca speaks, and Beca appreciates it.

"My dad said I couldn't go to LA anymore," Beca says through her cracked voice.

"Like on spring break or something?" Chloe asks.

Beca just now realizes she hasn't been sharing these big parts of herself with Chloe, and she almost feels dishonest. Because just a mere twenty minutes ago, Chloe learned Beca made mixes for the first time. So Beca sighs and tells the girl about how she wanted to go to LA first and the crazy guidelines her dad gave her before she could pursue her dream. And now he just suddenly cut her off from that.

Chloe just stays silent when Beca finishes and almost looks upset. Beca waits for the girl to speak and fiddles with her earrings while she waits. "That's not fair of him," Chloe says, tightlipped.

Beca nods and sobs, "Yeah. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just why did you never tell me these huge things about you?" Chloe sounds hurt and Beca feels like a piece of shit.

"I tend to not be an open person," Beca reverts to her sarcasm.

"I'm here for you Beca, I really am. You need to know that. And _God_ I care about you a lot. But how am I supposed to do all that when I give you everything, and all you give me are tiny bits and pieces. I'm not mad, I just get irritated," Chloe grunts.

"Are you really mad at me right now?" Beca stands up.

"No," Chloe sighs, "I can't even try to be mad at you anymore. I've come to realize that it just doesn't work. I just can't stay mad at you."

"Thank you?" Beca questions. "But you're getting irritated."

"Fine, I'm not irritated, that was a bad word choice. I just feel like sometimes you don't want me to know you," Chloe mumbles.

Beca observes how she holds one arm and kicks almost shyly at the ground, and Beca genuinely feels bad. And she genuinely wants to let Chloe in. "It's just that I have learned to never let anyone in, that way I can't get hurt when they leave. Because that is what always happens, they always leave."

"Becs, that's no way to live," Chloe says, "It sounds incredibly lonely."

"Well I don't know if you have picked up on it, but I haven't really been wanting to live for a while now."

Chloe's jaw drops in shock and then she closes her mouth again, "Are you trying to be cynical and hostile to scare me off?"

"Chloe, I'm just making this easier for you," Beca mumbles, and she knows it makes no sense to the ginger. "So you won't have to miss me when I'm gone."

Chloe's eyes are done welling up, but producing a steady stream of tears. And she sits down on the edge of the bed and stares up at Beca with a saddening look, "How could you say that? Do you know what happened when I found out you tried to…to kill," she almost chokes on her words, "yourself? I never cried so much in my life, and I shut down. Beca, I could never go on if you were gone. You're too amazing, too damn important."

Beca shakes her head, "You don't mean that. Nobody sticks around or wants to care that much."

"Really? Because I could give you a whole fucking list of people who would be destroyed if you were gone," Chloe almost yells.

Beca slouches against the wall and gapes at Chloe. Chloe is red and a blubbering mess, and the amount of passion and emotion in the voice of the lovely senior almost convinces Beca that it is the truth. Maybe it is? But she knows it isn't, not when her whole future and purpose has been diminished by her father cancelling Beca's dreams over a shattered window.

"What's the point now? I don't have LA, I am even more hopeless than before. Just leave already, I want to be gone!" Beca is yelling and crying, her whole world is messed up and this makes no sense. She just needs this all to stop.

"Beca Mitchell, you have so much going for you," Chloe cries. "Don't ever believe that there is no hope for you. You can do anything, and you have a purpose."

"What do I have other than LA?" Beca rhetorically asks. "Music is all I have, and I can't pursue it."

"You are brilliantly minded, you could do anything. And you have so many people. You have the Bellas, Jesse, you have _me_," Chloe pleads.

Beca feels her heart squeeze, and she needs to build her walls right back up. She crosses her arms, "Chloe, you do know I can never give you what you want, right?"

"All I want from you is for you to be happy," the ginger says it so sincerely, it switches a flip in the younger girl. Beca loses the sense to argue, and she just stands there. Maybe Chloe is right.

"That's hard to ask of me," Beca jokes.

"I'm right here with you so it can happen," Chloe smiles. "Because, you, Beca Mitchell, are an amazing human who deserves happiness. And I want you to have that happiness, because you deserve nothing less. So it won't be hard to ask, because I will be with you every step of recovering from this and helping you love yourself. Which is a pretty easy task to do."

Chloe's words are a catalyst in Beca's brain. It's a like a surge of hope and life and love in her brain. And in that moment everything seems so fucking right, so she boldly crosses the room in two strides and holds that beautiful face in her palms and crashes her lips into the redheaded beauty's.

A soft and delicate hand frames Beca's cheek as she crashes down to sit beside the girl as their lips move in sync. Beca can feel her heart pounding and every cell of her body burn with life. She feels warm. She feels a purpose. She feels love. Beca cups her hand on the back of Chloe's neck to pull her in closer. And Chloe eagerly follows. Beca can feel the electricity of the hands running up and down her back and the lips attacking hers. She feels alive. Like a light switch in her mind has turned on. The idea of Chloe being forbidden in her mind escapes her, every thought escapes her. All she can feel is Chloe in this moment and the intimacy in the true happiness that life is capable of holding.

And she wants more.

She pushes the delicate shoulders back, and attached at the lips she follows. Her body crashes on top of Chloe's and it is a perfect fit as if their two bodies were carved to fit together perfectly. She feels Chloe groan at the contact and it spurs the brunette on more. Beca removes her lips and quickly attacks the redhead's neck, and she is spurred in her kissing and sucking from the hands roaming all over the top of her clothes. And when Chloe's hands move down to Beca's ass, Beca sits back to pull her shirt off.

Suddenly, she feels two hands on her elbows and her shirt being pulled back on her body. Beca looks into Chloe's beautiful blue eyes, and she has concern in them as she holds Beca's shirt on her body.

"Why did you stop me?" Beca asks.

Chloe sighs and sits up and therefore Beca is sitting in her lap facing the girl with an adorably frustrated expression, "I know you aren't ready."

"No, probably not. But if feels right," Beca groans.

"You can't let the spur of the moment fuel you, you are still coming to terms with your sexuality and I don't want to push you at all. Even though I want this as much as you," Chloe reasons.

Beca climbs off of Chloe's lap and out of her bed and runs her hands through her hair, because now the nagging thought and fear is in the back of her mind. Beca hates herself, why can't she accept it? It all just felt so great and normal, but now she just feels dirty because of old ideals in her head.

"Are you regretting it already?" Chloe asks cynically.

"You don't need to be a dick about my problems," Beca snaps in the middle of her stress. "I'm fucking terrified and you getting pissed off every two seconds is not helping. So maybe I do regret it."

"You do realize you talk to me a hell of a lot worse than I talk to you? I'm not the harsh one here," Chloe bites her lip, almost to hold back tears.

"Sorry I'm not as mentally stable as you to be nice," Beca growls.

"I think I should just go," Chloe says through tears.

"Yeah, you should," Beca grumbles to the already closed door from Chloe's tearful exit.

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait. Chapter 11 may take a bit as well, sorry for that. Tell me what ya think!**


	11. Chapter 11

Beca lives in regret and something that resembles a living hell in the purgatory between Regionals and Semifinals. It is a period under three weeks' time, but it feels like years in Beca's mind. She feels slightly better in a sense of her depression due to the pills she's acquired. But that is the extent of it; she has never felt so lonely in a long time. Chloe won't even look at her, let alone talk to her. Which consequently has left Beca being stuck in Aubrey's group for practices, which makes Bellas stuff suck even more. Also, Jesse is slightly angry with her after she blew up on him about calling her dad. But in her defense, he seems to be slightly at fault for her dad finding out and cutting off her dreams of LA. And with those two constants gone, Beca tries to distract herself in mixes and school, but it can only stop her wandering mind so much. The freshman finds herself spending a lot of time with Stacie, she's spent some time with Fat Amy too, but most of the time Amy is preoccupied with all her boyfriends. The tiny brunette finds some comfort in the tall brunette, they usually play music on Stacie's authentic record player and just talk about life. It's a godsend of therapy.

Beca finds herself in Stacie's dorm the morning of Semifinals, and she flips on the radio station to the station she works at as she slips her heels on. She sits on the dingy carpet – with peculiar stains that Stacie adamantly lectures were there before she moved in – parallel from the tall freshman as she ties the horrid yellow scarf on Beca's neck for her. That is when she hears a very familiar beat of a mix she has bled and pounded into her eardrums for hours until it was perfected, her mix she hears her mix.

"And here are some sick beats made by your own Barden University local Beca Mitchell, check it out," Luke's familiar accent says over the radio.

Beca flings her phone in excitement and it lands next to a peculiar beer stain, "Holy _shit_! That's _MY _mix!"

"That's amazing, Beca!" Stacie flings her arms around the tiny DJ in congratulations. "I'm so happy for you! You totally earned it!"

"Damn right," Beca smirks at the beaming girl. "I'm gonna go talk to Luke, I'll see you when the Bellas meet up."

Stacie shoots her the thumbs up as Beca runs out of the room. She runs, heels and all, for a good block to get to the radio station. The whole time, she is beaming and she feels actual happiness for the first time since she…uh, well since she kissed Chloe. Part of her wants to tell the girl who was such a vital part of her being alive, she feels like she owes it to Chloe to tell her, she _wants _to tell her. But she knows that she would be crossing the line. After her interaction with Luke she starts her trek to the Bellas rehearsal space where they will all meet. Beca still wants to tell Chloe, she just wants her to know. So Beca pulls up the group message named: **Bellas Aca-Bitches**.

**Beca: Guess which aca bitch's mix made the radio?**

The girl smiles at her message, she's actually proud of herself.

** Beca: It's me by the way if you guys didn't infer.**

**Cynthia Rose: That's awesome! **

** Fat Amy: That's amazing, who even knew you were tall enough to reach a mixing table to make such great mixes?**

** Stacie: I found out first! And Amy not your best joke.**

** Fat Amy: Sorry, was texting and driving, my humor is not on point when I multitask.**

** Aubrey Posen: That's so illegal.**

** Chloe: Congrats.**

Beca does a double take on the last text, from Chloe herself. Chloe nor Beca herself has bothered looking the other in the eye since the regionals fiasco. And she feels an accomplishment that she got to tell Chloe, as subtle as the circumstances allow. Beca's stomach does a big flip from her one worded text, and it makes Beca want to scold herself. She mentally does so as she clamors onto the bus that is parked outside the complex they rehearse at. Everyone is already seated, and the only open seat is right in the front across from Aubrey. The worst possible spot possible.

"You're late," Aubrey snipes.

Beca makes eye contact with Fat Amy who pats her on the back, and then she smiles at Stacie. She also catches Chloe's beautiful blue eyes, which she has missed all too much. But she quickly looks away to level her gaze with Aubrey and she feels the snarky look adorn her face, "Well I'm not sorry, I got some pretty good news, and I figured I had to get some good news in before we are delivered the bad news of losing Semifinals from using the same boring set."

Fat Amy makes a cat noise as Beca sits down. The big blonde then puts the bus in drive and the bus lets out a whoop, led by Fat Amy, in cheer. Beca slightly joins in, because of the great mood she is now in over being on the radio. The burrito fiasco goes down as one of Beca's oddest college experiences for sure. Beca is still on the high of her DJ success when she hears Chloe's melodic voice overcome the silent bus with the song Party in the USA. Deep down, Beca is glad she is singing that Miley Cyrus song instead of Wrecking Ball or something, because that would instantly be directed at Beca. The brunette jumps in, sadly knowing all the lyrics to get all the Bellas to stop looking at her. It was all peer pressure, it had nothing to do with Beca being a Miley Cyrus fan. Nope.

But beside that point, the trip to semifinals takes a terrible turn for the worst, when the bus runs out of gas and she has to awkwardly sit next to Chloe on the Trebles bus. Their sides are pressed together due to so many people shoving onto one bus, and she hates how much it affects her. She feels cliché butterflies in her stomach and her side burns. She blushes and hates how this affects her. _Like seriously Beca, you've been on top of her. Oh goodness, that didn't help._ Beca's thoughts are like a hurricane and she heavily focuses on the banter of Bumper and Amy so she isn't so hyperaware of sitting next to Chloe.

Beca has always considered herself a fighter. There's the famous saying: fight or flight, which is people's reactions to a bad situation. And Beca's rebel attitude and stubbornness has proved she is the former. And in the horrid situation of the light guy playing on his phone, a judge dozing off, and other acapella groups mocking the Bellas while they performed the _same _set, Beca chooses to fight. She definitely is trying to think of a song to layer into the performance, not waiting until Chloe is done with her solo so she doesn't mess her up, until she belts out the lyrics to Bulletproof right when Aubrey starts singing. It sounds badass, it messes some of the Bellas up, but it is rather good. She had to fight for the Bellas from that disastrous and tired set, so that's what she did.

It comes to no surprise when Aubrey chases her down after the performance and starts yelling at her. Beca corrects herself from never feeling so lonely before, she feels downright abandoned when Aubrey asks her what "the other Bellas thought of her little improvisation" and it is a domino effect of Bellas looking away. Starting with Stacie who stares up, and then Beca tries to plead a look with Chloe, the girl who she shared a deep emotional connection with and still has feelings for. And those damn beautiful blue eyes flicker away in fear and betrayal. And it feels like someone tore Beca's heart out. She squeaks out Amy's name in a little voice, even though the blonde was looking away, she just didn't want to look downright pathetic. Beca still feels like a heavy hand is squeezing her heart as her heart and lungs burn with betrayal. She barely hears Chloe speak up to Aubrey about it not being that bad, and Beca can only think of one response. To fight and defend herself after Chloe didn't even bother to defend her. She thinks of something quick to say to hurt her.

"No that's okay, you don't have to pretend you're allowed to have a say in the group, right?"

Beca can tell that her words struck a nerve by the way Chloe's jaw drops. It's the first real time they've made eye contact since regionals, and Beca hates it being like this. Her heart squeezes heavily, because she is hurt, but she knows she's hurt the ginger more than she has already hurt her. Beca is so fueled by these conflicting emotions, things come by in a blur as she screams at Jesse, quits the Bellas, and storms out.

She finds herself shaking and edging on the verge of tears. She just has to get out of this random place by Atlanta. She wants to go back to her dorm and succumb to her imploding emotional damage in the comfort of her bed hidden under her duvet. The brunette hails a taxi without a problem and has the driver take her outside Baker Hall. She gives him her dad's credit card to pay, because she has nothing left to lose.

Beca can feel the edges of her eyes stinging as she scales the stairs to her dorm room. She wants to fall face first into her bed and rip this damn scarf off her neck. She fiddles with the lock on her dorm and swings the door open. To her immense disappointment, Kimmy Jin and her gang of friends occupy the dorm, and Beca's bed. She huffs and grabs a change of clothes and storms out to the bathrooms to change out of this outfit that is slowly suffocating her. She changes into maroon skinny jeans along with a white tank top layered by a hooded black leather jacket. By some miracle, she grabbed an outfit that matches, she literally just grabbed random clothing and stormed to the bathroom. She goes back into her dorm to violently throw the Bellas uniform in her closet and to grab her purse.

Within the next hour Beca finds herself on a sidewalk outside the conjoined Taco Bell and gas station complex. She has about six taco wrappers blanketed around her and she sips from the last remains of her large Baja Blast. Beca realizes she has hit rock bottom when a random man asks if he can bum a cigarette off of her.

"Do I look like I smoke?" Beca yells with a mouth full of a taco. She glances back into the gas station and back at the man, "I have a deal for you. Are you over 21?"

She wants the pain to go away, and if alcohol is there, it may help alleviate the pain.

He nods and she smirks.

"Here is money for a pack of cigarettes that you can get yourself as long as you use the remainder to buy a fifth of the strongest liquor they have in there," Beca stands up and slides him a few bills.

Yeah, rock bottom. She is past rock bottom, she realizes this when the guy returns with a cigarette in his mouth and hands Beca a paper bag with vodka in it. She sips on the bottle and cringes as her throat burns and turns her stomach to a fiery pit of tacos and vodka. Beca takes more sips and ignores how her phone vibrates a few times. She stumbles to her feet, realizing she shouldn't just loiter outside a gas station Taco Bell combo. She almost falls, and she giggles to herself. Her life sucks.

Beca finds herself outside the science building, or is it the English building with a considerably less amount of vodka in the bottle. She collapses onto a bench and lets out a sob. She is so inebriated to a point that she doesn't care that she is crying in public. Her drunk mind is making it harder to get a grip on all the events happening in her life, but she still vividly remembers a set of luminous blue eyes. Chloe. Beca feels a heavy whirlwind of emotions, those memories are still very clear. She consequently takes a large gulp out of the bottle.

After four more sips it seems like a marvelous idea to pull out her phone and tell Chloe how she really feels. She starts a lengthy and emotional paragraph, but starts to erase half of it and accidently sends the rest of it.

**Beca: U r soooiojo pretttttyyyy. butt u r makin me confuseddd, cuz i thienk I luv u, but wow u dontt curr and im scurd, and I rlly feel like**

Beca curses at herself when the message sends by accident and she throws her phone in the grass. She starts crying when she can hear her phone vibrate, but she can't find it in the grass. It's dark and she keeps stumbling. She eventually finds the thing and sees a text from Chloe.

**Chloe: Are you drunk?**

** Beca: bitchhh I mite be**

Beca laughs at herself, because that's funny. She lays down in the grass and stares up at the stars. They blur together into one big dot and Beca closes her eyes, because sleeping sounds like a good idea, because these stars are really hurting her eyes. She feels a tickle on her stomach and she giggles and tries to slap it away. She realizes the source is her phone, and she messily answers the phone call by putting the device up to ear and letting out a messy mixture of a burp and hiccup.

"Beca?" She hears an angelic voice nearly sing in her ear.

Beca smiles and looks back at her phone and squints at the screen and she can barely make out the name on the screen, but she figures out its Chloe and she smiles and puts the phone back to her ear, "Chloeeeeee."

"Yeah, you're definitely drunk. Why did you call me?" Chloe snips.

"Stop being mean," Beca can feel more tears edging over her eyes. "You called me," Beca pokes herself in the chest to exemplify her point.

"Yeah, after you called me and I answered and heard hiccupping and crying. I figured I'd call back to make sure you're okay."

Beca smiles, "I must have butt dialed. And I'm okayyy nowwww cause I can hear you talk."

"Beca, stop." Chloe's voice is strained.

"Chloe, go." Beca giggles at how funny she is. "Chloe I'm lost and the stars keep staring at me and it's scaring me."

"You're outside? Are you alone? Do you even realize how dangerous that is?" Chloe's voice continually increases as she keeps questioning Beca, which is really stressful.

"Stop yelling," Beca cries.

"Okay," Chloe groans, "where are you?"

"I dunno."

"Describe your surroundings."

"Under the scary stars, laying in grass by a sidewalk. Like there's a brick building with some fountain outside of it. I dunno Chloe, I'm on campus and you're really stressing me out," Beca can hear how pathetic her voice sounds as she sobs.

"Okay, just stay on your phone, I'm coming to find you so you don't get yourself killed." Chloe keeps talking and Beca almost falls asleep a few times until she feels a presence standing above her. Beca cracks her eyes open and she sees the beautiful blue eyes practically lighting up in the dark.

"You came for me, you do care." Beca feels herself smiling as she closes her eyes again.

"Oh, hell no. You aren't falling asleep," Chloe's voice sounds more like an angels in person. "Can you stand up?"

"I dunno, can you stand up?" Beca quips.

"I am standing, Becs."

The brunette pushes herself up on her elbows and smiles, "I like it when you call me that. Becs." Beca smiles and likes how the word sounds on her mouth, "Becs."

"Oh my goodness, you are gone," Chloe says.

"No, I'm right here," Beca tries to stand, yet starts to stumble and Chloe wraps her arms around her to keep her on her feet. The girls find themselves in an awkward embrace as Beca has all her weight on the ginger, and she smiles at how close she is to the girl. She really wants to kiss her, Beca realizes that when she notices how pretty Chloe looks right now. So she leans forward and tries to do it, but Chloe turns her head with a hurt expression and Beca's lips meet her cheek.

"Beca, stop. You're drunk," Chloe says in a strangled voice.

"But I wanna do it," the younger girl whines as Chloe leads the pair.

"Tell sober Beca that," Chloe bites.

"Okay I will, and then I can do it. Which I really, like reallyyyy wanna." Beca looks over at the girl and can see a tiny teardrop slip down Chloe's cheek. She wipes it away, "Don't cry."

"I'm not crying," the ginger says in a strangled voice again.

"Am I hurting you? Have I been hurting you? Not physically, emotionally. I'm so sorry," Beca rambles.

Chloe doesn't respond, and the pair walks in silence for what seems like forever. Even the inebriated Beca can feel how awkward it is. Beca doesn't even realize that she is outside her dorm when Chloe keeps asking her about keys, and eventually digs though Beca's pockets to find her keys.

"At least take me to dinner first," Beca jokes in remark to the hands in her back pockets.

"Shut up," Chloe growls.

Chloe's words really hurt the drunk girl, and Beca can feel herself starting to cry. She feels pathetic, but she doesn't like Chloe being mad at her. She doesn't want that because she loves her.

"Beca, you're really hurting me," Chloe says with tears, and Beca then realizes that she must've said the love thing out loud.

"I'm so sorry," Beca cries as Chloe leads the girl into the now unlocked dorm. "I never wanted to hurt you. I want to make things right. Please forgive me, I mean it this time."

Beca lies in her bed now as Chloe rips off the alternative girl's boots. The freshman tries to catch her breath after her speech. "I mean it, please forgive me, Chlo. You mean the world to me. Friendship or more, I want you in my life."

"Okay," Chloe whispers in a weak voice as she pulls Beca's duvet to the girl's chin.

"Don't leave me again, I need you," Beca whispers.

"I won't," the ginger whispers in an angelic voice before everything turns black in Beca's world as she passes out on her pillow.

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I lost motivation for a bit, but then I got an amazing review that inspired me to write again. Thanks for that, you guys are amazing! So how about Pitch Perfect 2? I loved it, I hope you guys did too. Tell me what you think of this chapter! See you with chapter 12 eventually.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Here we go, sorry for the wait. Slight trigger warning of some homophobic slurs. Without further ado, here is the last chapter of this fanfiction.**

Throughout the next eight hours, Beca sleeps like hell and pukes seven times. One of the times she didn't even make it to the communal bathroom, she just puked into her trash bin, and still drunk, she proceeded to travel to the window and dump out the regurgitated booze and Taco Bell. Beca wakes around ten or eleven or noon, she is too hungover to be able to tell. All she knows is that the sun is blinding her and Kimmy Jin is packing her bags with a scowl sent in Beca's direction as the tiny brunette starts to groan from the pain of a circus happening inside her skull. The tiny freshman sticks her head under her pillow with another groan as the memories haunt her, she made a complete ass of herself to Chloe, and the universe hates her, because her brain remembers every detail clearly.

"Oh God why?" Beca nearly gurgles to herself.

A heavy wave of nausea sweeps through her gut violently, and she is sprinting, in her world that literally feels like it is spinning, and miraculously making it to a toilet before puking for an eighth time. Beca groans and nearly crawls back to her dorm to grab her bathroom caddy. She returns to the bathroom and looks at her reflection as she hunches over a freshly cleaned sink. Her blue eyes look hollowed out due to the black bags beneath her bloodshot eyes. Brown hair is plastered all over her sweaty forehead. And to top it off, she has eye liner smudged down to her chin. Beca begins to violently brush her teeth to rid her mouth of the acidic taste, as the mint rejuvenates her mouth, she wishes she didn't almost commit suicide a few months ago, because ever since then she isn't allowed to have any pills in her room (other than her antidepressants that live in Stacie's dorm so she won't abuse them). Therefore, this raging headache can't be alleviated with some pills. Beca slouches into a shower and stands still under the stream.

She clenches her eyes shut to try and forget how she was with Chloe. It is embarrassing. She cringes when she remembers that she told Chloe that she loves her. Twice. Once over text, and once in person which almost made Chloe cry. The thought of that makes the brunette dig her nails into healed scars on her forearms as her tears mix in with the stream of the shower. She hates herself for doing that, 1) because she can't love Chloe, even though she knows she does, and 2) because she was drunk and hurt the girl. Beca tries to not think how Chloe promised she would stay with Beca, and Beca woke up a few hours later with no beautiful ginger by her side. Maybe Chloe meant it figuratively and not in a literal sense. Maybe Beca was being petty. Beca rolls her eyes at herself, which makes her head pound even more, and reminds herself to not think about Chloe like that. It just can't happen and she has to forget about it.

Once Beca rids herself of her slimy and nasty morning after binge drinking and eating Taco Bell look, she flops down onto her bed with her phone wrapped in her hand. She types out a text to Stacie, she is hesitant, because Stacie did betray her yesterday, but Stacie is a friend and Beca could really use some Tylenol.

**Beca: Hey, can I swing by your dorm?**

Beca waits for a decent amount of time as she listens to some Twenty One Pilots, and she doesn't object when some sappy Taylor Swift comes up on her playlist through her earbuds. She is sad, and Taylor Swift breakup songs apply to her, sue her. She feels herself drift off to sleep, and her nap feels like a short sea of black before she wakes again. She checks her phone to see no texts, it has been three hours since she texted Stacie. She clicks on the messaging app and sees that Stacie did read Beca's text, but never bothered to respond.

**Beca: hey dude, I was just asking a question. I need your help.**

Stacie replies almost immediately.

**Stacie: what? Sorry didn't want to respond, I was afraid you may just QUIT the conversation.**

** Beca: Ok I get why you're mad, but come on, Aubrey was being a bitch. It was a long time coming.**

** Stacie: No, Becs, this isn't about Aubrey. It's about you, this is all you. You need to sort your shit out. I don't want to be mean, but you can be cruel and push everyone away. You're living your life in a way that will make you end up alone. **

Beca reads the text and she assumes that she probably looks like a fish with her mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Kimmy Jin must notice, because she rolls her eyes and just leaves the room. Her roommate doesn't bother to close her door, but Beca can't really find herself to say anything, she is too busy gaping at Stacie's text. Nice, sweet Stacie, calling her out. Beca closes the app and moves to the mixing board and starts to blare music. She gets another text ten minutes later.

**Stacie: what did you need my help with?**

** Beca: Just Tylenol, I'm hungover.**

** Stacie: Of course you are, that's just great. Okay, whatever.**

** Stacie: You just like to use people to your dispense and push them away, I don't know if it is all intentional, but you need to figure it out. I get that you have a lot of shit going on rn, but please think before you actually do something. And can you actually bother to care about us? Obviously not, you're selfish and I'm sorry that I'm attacking you. But you may want to work on yourself before u wake up one day and realize you've given up on and pushed everyone away who could possibly care.**

** Stacie: Have a nice Spring Break, Beca. I'm sorry.**

Beca can't help but stare at her phone. She drops it into her lap like it has burned her. And Beca falls asleep many hours later with the reality and truth that Stacie revealed to her on her mind. She wakes up around five in the morning and she feels guilt. Pure guilt, and she is miserable. She decides to switch into a sports bra and shorts before taking a long run around campus. She zones out as she runs, all she can feel is her tears intermingling with her sweat as she pants out in short breaths. She gets back to her dorm shortly after six and climbs into the shower for a good hour where she really reevaluates her life.

The girl can't mix, she can't focus. She just thinks about how much she has fucked everything up in her life. She just wants to fix it, because the truth of what Stacie said really hits her.

She grabs a copy of The Breakfast Club, maybe this can be a step to fix herself. God she needs to fix things. She realizes this especially as her thumb hovers over the green call button by the contact: Chloe. She wants to call her and apologize profusely. Being without her for so long is almost like not being able to breathe. Beca smiles with nostalgia at the thought of being with Chloe though, because that is surreal and amazing, and heavenly. She thinks of her and smiles at everything amazing to the girl. Like when Chloe smiles at her with those bright blue orbs that crinkle at the sides when she smiles especially wide at a joke Beca would say. Or the passion and love in her eyes when she talks or even hears about music. Or like when Chloe would hold Beca's hand in a mess of tangled fingers and a wide smile that sends tingles up her arm. Beca even thinks of how amazing it is in the way Chloe can talk to someone else to brighten their day.

Maybe she does love her.

Her phone vibrates with Chloe's name flashing on the screen, and Beca hates how cliché she feels when her heart soars.

**Chloe: Turns out the kid on the team we lost to was in high school. Bellas are back. Feel free to come back, the Bellas need you. Practice is tomorrow at the usual place and time. Hope to see you there.**

Beca wants to respond, but she resists. It isn't the right time or occasion to apologize to Chloe. The text reminds her though, she needs to fix things. She needs to fix herself, because she wants happiness. And she wants these people in her life. And she needs to be less of a dick and treat them like how they should appropriately be treated. Especially Chloe.

That is how Beca finds herself in her dad's kitchen after having a door slammed in her face by Jesse. After he explains to her that she can't live a life so lonely, it only reiterates the fact that she needs to go back to the Bellas and apologize and try to get back in. She has to do one thing first, she has to come out to her dad. Because if she has learned anything in her soul searching the last few days, it is that she really thinks she loves Chloe. And she thinks she may be ready to be with her.

"So what are you going to do?" her dad asks.

"Go back to them and apologize. They're great girls, I really need them in my life and I love them to pieces. Speaking of people I need in my life and love, I need to apologize to my current love interest," Beca awkwardly trails off. If she continues along the lines of _I need a girl named Chloe to forgive me and date me,_ she may die. Of course Beca is the worst and most awkward human ever at coming out.

"Is this about that Jesse boy I keep seeing you around campus with?" her father asks with a genuine smile.

"No," Beca grimaces. God why doesn't she just text her parents to come out like everyone else does.

"Another boy?" He smiles.

"Uh, no, not a boy." Beca sheepishly mumbles. "A girl, actually."

"Beca, you better not be hinting at what I think you're hinting at. Because if I'm hearing you correctly, you sound like you have romantic feelings and thoughts for a girl. And if that is correct, you can safely assume that neither your mother nor I will want nothing to do with you, because you are committing an ultimate wrong and will burn in Hell with all the other fags." His voice continues to rise, and he sounds like he is teaching a class, not verbally assaulting his child.

Beca's heart sinks heavily at the prospect of being disowned. She bites back tears, and tries to keep a neutral facial expression and voice as she speaks. "No," she can't be bi, not if it means losing her parents and God. "I meant a puppy. I wanted to get a puppy, that's my love interest, it was a joke, cause I'm so alone! Ha! Yeah I want to get a girl puppy and name it Amy Winehouse!" Beca rambles as she tries to chuckle along, and she can feel tears edging in her eyes.

Her father laughs, "Oh, you almost had me there! I was worried that my only kid was gonna be a dyke or something."

"Yeah, wouldn't want that." Beca mumbles to herself as she feels her chest almost sting. "Well I have to go to the Bellas and make amends. Bye dad, thanks for the help!" She hugs him goodbye and starts to walk away, but she turns around and looks at him, she is so done with this discrimination that her parents enforce in the name of God. "You know what? No."

"What?" her father asks.

"I am in love with Chloe Beale, yeah dad I love a girl. Your only child is bisexual, but guess what? I know you're wrong, God will still love me, because God isn't petty. God knows that love isn't a sin, and I may not love a boy but a great girl, and she makes me happy, and if that's a sin, then maybe God isn't what we believe him to be. But I know this like I know that the sky is blue: I love Chloe Beale, and God still loves me anyways. Goodbye now."

Beca nearly runs out of his house and down the street until she is leaning against a tree and she starts bawling. She cries until she can't feel her eyes anymore. She cries because of her dad's cruelty, but mainly because she _did _it. She stood up for herself, and now she is so fucking proud and happy, she feels lighter.

Beca gathers herself and reapplies her makeup in a McDonald's bathroom before rushing into the Bellas practice. She surely doesn't expect to see what she sees. Her ears ring from the sound of Stacie repeatedly blowing her rape whistle. Girls climb up the bleachers, away from the brawl happening between Aubrey, Chloe, and Fat Amy on the ground. Beca cringes upon seeing Lily making angels in the sea of Aubrey's vomit. Beca yells for them to stop and see what the hell is going on. She apologizes and stares at Aubrey and Chloe when she says her apologies. She asks to come back in, and starts to drag a chair until Aubrey stops her.

In their confession circle, she is shocked to learn of Chloe having her surgery. Beca feels instantly guilty that Chloe had to go through that alone, and if Beca hadn't been such a dick, she could have helped her through it. Aubrey turns to Beca for some leadership, and that is how Beca finds herself in the freezing pool in the middle of the night singing an awesome acapella mashup with her eyes glued on Chloe the entire time. She swears her heart is going fast enough to explode by the end of the song, she has no doubt in her mind that she is in love with Chloe Beale by the end of that song.

The Bellas all head back to Aubrey and Chloe's apartment to have a nice sleepover and bonding session. Upon getting there, Beca can't wait another moment without apologizing to Chloe. She easily manages to grip the girl's sleeve and drag her to her bedroom. The Bellas don't seem to notice, because Stacie and Fat Amy are having an intense dance off. She whispers to Cynthia Rose to video tape it for her while she's gone. Beca closes the door behind her and Chloe stands in front of the bed with crossed arms and a solemn glare at the ground.

"Can we talk?" Beca asks after a few awkward moments.

"Well I don't have much of a choice; you dragged me in here," Chloe says.

"I get that you're mad, you have every right to be mad. I just wanted to say how sorry I am," Beca whispers. "I have been terrible to you, and I understand if you want to never talk to me again, but I miss you and I've realized how much I've fucked up."

"Saying a speech about being sorry doesn't mean that you actually mean it." Chloe replies with a grumpy expression and her arms crossed.

Beca feels the dread consume her and she steps forward, "But I do mean it, I have hated the way I've treated you. And I want to be with you," Chloe's head snaps up to make eye contact and her eyes are watery. "I really want to be with you, and I haven't handled it correctly. I'm terrified and I handled the situation wrong, so I am very sorry."

Chloe sighs and runs her hands through her hair, "I get that you're sorry, it's just hard to forgive and forget. Is there even a point to try and be together when it's already caused us so much pain and heartache?"

Beca has never felt so scared and guilty. And old Beca would have run, she would just apologize and leave. But she is trying to change, and she steps forward and wraps her pinky around Chloe's index finger. "That's a valid question, but I think it would be worth it, because I am in love with you, Chloe Beale."

The senior's gasp echoes in the extremely quiet room. The silence is killing Beca's fragile heart, she looks away when she stares into those unreadable blue eyes. After a long time of Beca's heart pounding in her ear, she starts to unwrap her finger from Chloe's until she feels the grip tighten and she looks back into ecstatic blue eyes.

"You do?" Chloe asks with a bright and watery smile.

Beca nods.

She feels soft lips crash into hers, and she grabs the backs of Chloe's shoulders when her legs almost give out. Her whole body warms up at the feeling of the lips from the girl she loves. It isn't long before both of them are smiling too widely at each other to properly kiss one another.

"I love you. I love you so much, Beca Mitchell." Chloe squeals against her mouth with her forehead pressed against the younger girl.

Beca stares up into her eyes and smiles, she has never felt so much love and purpose until now. She is warm and happy, so, so happy. And so fucking in love with Chloe. She wraps her arms around Chloe and hugs onto her. "I love you," she whispers.

"I love you too," Chloe whispers before kissing Beca's temple.

Beca pulls away while grabbing Chloe's hand and leads the pair to the bed. She lays down and cuddles into Chloe's side. She is practically laying on top of the girl as she plays with her fingers and as Chloe plays with her hair and lovingly rubs Beca's back.

Beca presses a light kiss to the older girl's lips, "I'm so sorry for everything."

"It's hard, I understand. It's hard realizing your sexuality is different from the 'social norm.' And I'm not going to push your out of the closet now, not until you're ready. As long as you're happy and as long as you love me, we will be okay," Chloe whispers.

Beca smiles widely, "God, how am I so lucky?"

Chloe smiles back and attaches their lips again. The kiss is longer than the others, and it is loving and passionate. She has never felt more at home, and everything makes sense now. Happiness is all that really matters, and love is love. Maybe she struggled with the religious aspect, but she understands now she can have God and Chloe, because love isn't a sin and that is all that really matters. She is going to be okay, she has Chloe the girl she loves more than anything. She thought Chloe's love was killing her, but it really was what saved her. It gave her a reason to live and _breathe_. It gave her purpose and it gave her happiness. And that love she feels burning so deeply in her chest as she presses another long kiss on Chloe's lips is all that matters to her in this world, Beca Mitchell was going to be just fine.

**A/N: El Fin. It was an amazing experience writing this, especially with all the support, I couldn't have done it without you guys. Thank you so, so much! And I am happy to end this for you guys! Thank you for everything, and you may see me again in the future. :)**


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